Rude - Grayson Dolan

06 - "mistakes"

Grayson

I don't want just a moment with her, I want a whole lifetime and beyond that. It's selfish, I know. For, she is not mine, nor is she anyone's but I would gladly give every piece of myself to her even if she doesn't want me. My soul belongs to her, if she wants it.

The dinner was perfect. We caught up, talked about memories that we had missed from each others lives.

Angie admitted that she had attempted to date however the quest was unsuccessful. No man had what she needs, she told me. A slight smirk was hidden behind her lips as she told me that, and I am unsure why, I hope that it is because I am the man that can fullfill her needs and all of her pleasures.

"Have you not dated?" She innocently asks me, a black straw is trapped between her front teeth in such a seductive yet pure way. Fuck, what is she doing to me?

I almost laugh at her question. Why would I? No one could put up with my drunk and needy ass.

"No." I shake my head before reaching out to grip my glass of water. Alcohol could sooth my nerves but fucking Archie made a pact with me that both of us would never drink. "No one caught my eye."

"So you've been a sexless Mr Dolan for over two years?" Her eyes look up to me and I attempt to steady my breathing as I feel my stomach turn at the sight of her beauty. My silence answers her and she eyebrows rise. "I guess heartbreak did change you."

If only she knew how much hurting her hurt me. The thought of her was painful and stung like fucking hell but I would rather suffer the most gruesome pain and drown in my own guilt than forget about her and forget what I did to her. I grieved her, even though her presence hadn't been removed from this world, it had been removed from my life and that pain alone was ceaseless.

"Don't flatter yourself, Angie." I laugh, although we both know it is true. "I can't look at women in that way anymore. I used to all the time, I was practically a sex addict. But now, they're women, not sex objects. I have no interest in having sex with these women, I have too much respect for them to fuck them then leave and I couldn't grow feelings for them."

A smile is hidden beneath Angela's lips as she stares at me. I don't want to have sex with another woman if it's not her. Fuck, I don't want to even look at another woman if it's not her.

"They're indeed not sex objects." She agrees with me before leaning closer toward me, the table achingly separating us. "So, what have you been doing if you haven't been dating or having sex?"

"Work, being at the centre with Archie, helping Ethan with the wedding and thinking about everything that I ever did wrong." I confess and her eyes shift to the side before returning to my own. "I've been alone most of the time, so I've spent times re-evaluating every mistake I had ever made with my life, how I acted and treated other people. I owned up to my mistakes, apologised and made up for those I wronged."

I know I have caught her off guard. Her breathe is trapped in her throat the way that I am trapped under her palm, clasped between her fingers and wrapped around the delicate bones. I know that feeling, for I always forget how to breathe when she looks at me. The simple act of something which is a part of human nature; breathing, is won and beaten by her beauty, the amount of power she has over me scares me. But it excites me at the same time.

"That's very good of you." Angie lightly smiles as she lifts the glass filled with red wine to her petalled lips that part to allow her mouth to be filled with the bitter alcohol. "It must have been hard for you. I wish I was there when you needed someone...that is my second biggest regret."

"What's the first?" I curiously ask, although I don't want to know the answer, "my biggest regret is ever meeting you," I can imagine her saying. I had always imagined her saying that in my nightmares.