Behind Closed Doors

I Don't Know You

Tommy POV

"Adam?" I asked carefully, stepping into the dimly lit room. Cautiously, I walked over to his hospital bed. It physically hurt to see the tears on his cheeks.

"Tommy?" He said in a hoarse whisper.

"Tommy. It's over."

Adam POV

I saw the door open slowly, then a face appeared. This was Tommy, right?

Remembering Sauli's words, I tried to get straight to the point.

"Adam?"

"Tommy?" He just moved closer so it was definitely him.

"Tommy. It's over."

Suddenly tears were streaming down my face. I had been crying before because I just want to remember but this was for a different reason.

I don't know why but those three words broke my heart. I actually felt something terrible, undeniably painful, unmistakably heart breaking, consuming me. Making me cry. Breaking me down. Almost as if my heart was remembering a feeling my brain couldn't quite place.

"No. Adam no." Tommy breathed out. I saw a tear escape his eye before he wiped it away quickly, probably deciding to stay strong for the broken man in front of him.
"No."

The beautiful blonde came over and sat on the edge of my bed. His deep brown eyes fluttered closed momentarily. I was so confused.

"Adam, why? Explain. It can't be over. It just can't be."

Pushing down the sadness and guilt and pure devastation burning in my veins, I collected myself a little better and stared into those eyes. My hand wanted to reach out and touch his face. My lips wanted to kiss his. My heart wanted to love him. It wanted to need to love him. It needed him.

My head wouldn't listen. I looked away for a second, then back. Then away. Could I face this? I don't know who he is. I don't know his face, but I knew those eyes.

How is this possible? How is any of this actually happening? Is it all a nightmare, a horrible ugly nightmare? Will I wake up panting, sweating, scared? Will I wake up to those eyes? Do I want to?

As if he could see the conflict behind my eyes, his hand reached out and held mine. Comforting, almost familiar.

"Is this all a nightmare?" I asked myself.

A sad laugh came from a voice I'd forgotten.

"I fucking hope so."

We shared a look. He asked again. The question I only had a second-hand answer to.

"Why?"

I only knew what Sauli told me. Fuck all these feelings.

"Because this is wrong. Sauli told me I'm your teacher. This is so so wrong."

"What's so wrong about it?" Abruptly, Tommy's hand pulled out of mine as he stood.

"We're in love Adam. You don't remember but we are. I love you. I fucking need you. Please just remember."

"I can't Tommy!" Now I raised my voice too. Arguing felt so wrong. But who am I to know what's right or wrong anymore? I'm in a hospital bed, crying over a broken heart I don't even understand.

"I can't just remember! It's not that easy! Trust me, I wish I could! I know you love me. I know that. But I don't know you." I lowered my voice to a whisper, and my gaze from the raw pain written all over his face.
"I don't know you."

Tommy POV

I was almost at breaking point.

"Yes Adam, yes you do. Of course you know me. And I know you. I know you better than you know yourself, so don't say what I know you'll regret. As soon as you remember you'll see. I'll make you remember." I stepped closer and took his shaking hand in my own again.

"How?"

Slowly, I leaned closer to him. Our eyes met and he gave me a small nod. I guess he was as desperate to remember as I was to make him.

Gently, I pressed my lips to his. It was soft and sweet. I felt like a fucking Disney Prince, but if the cliche works then I'm not complaining. Honestly, if it doesn't work I don't know what else I can do. I'm on the edge. This might be the last I can take.

I pulled away, savouring the taste because who knows if I'll get to experience it again?

"Adam?" Hope shone in my voice.

"No." He said softly. "I'm sorry. Nothing."

That broke me.

Adam POV

Tommy looked crushed. I felt crushed. That kiss felt like deja vu to the extreme. If that won't bring back the memories, what else can? All I could do was tell Tommy the last thing Sauli told me.

I took a deep breath and pushed him away, carefully avoiding jostling my broken leg.

I slipped my hand out of his.
I tried to take my heart out of the equation.

"I don't love you." I whispered.

"What?" He sounded defeated.

"I don't love you." I repeated. Why did letting him go feel like the hardest thing I've ever done? He's practically a stranger.

"Ok." He walked away.

He just walked away.

It felt like he took everything else with him. And I couldn't even get my head around the indescribable hurting my very soul was feeling. As if he took a piece of that with him too.

No Adam, you don't love him. I told myself. Even though I think I might.

Tommy POV

He doesn't love me. He said it himself. And it kills because he's the only person who ever truly convinced me that someone could love me.

Someone did love me.

And he just let me go.

As soon as the door closed behind me, I went to my car and drove home in a daze. No tears were coming. I felt numb.

Adam was everything. I left everything in that room when I walked out.

Sitting on the sofa, head in hands, I couldn't stop thinking. I just wanted to understand. Wait. No, no he wouldn't. He wouldn't. Would he? Oh my god. He would. He would and he fucking did.

Mr Koskinen. Sauli.

He fucking did.

This isn't over.

Hope you liked it! I know I haven't updated in way too long, but I really hope it was worth the wait? Maybe? 😂 Btw, thought the song kinda fitted this chapter as well.

Please vote and comment if you liked it, or just have any feedback. I'm still very new to this. Thanks for reading, byeee xx 💕