Behind Closed Doors

I Won't Fall In Love With Falling

Tommy POV

How do you help someone if they don't let you in? You make them let you in. Then you help. Especially if you love them with everything in you. Then you never give up because nothing is worth doing without their eyes to go home to.

Adam POV

How do you open up to someone you don't want to hurt? Someone who means more to you than yourself? You swallow your pride because you know they're doing the same. And you tell them. If you love them you let them in and if it's too much, you let them go.

Tommy POV

"Adam.." I began hesitantly but a wrecked voice interrupted.

"I can't let you go. I can't let you go. I CAN'T. So I can't open up to you because you won't want me anymore. You won't.. you won't l-love me anymore." He trailed off in a whisper.
"I can't live without you."

I watched the love of my life break down yet again, sobbing and screaming. He was digging his nails into his hand until his knuckles turned white. His breath came in gasps.

A tear fell from my eye, then another. I held him together as he fell apart. I took his hand gently and stroked the crescent shaped dents in his palms. I wiped away drop after drop of liquid sorrow. I told him to breath with me. I put his hand on my heart and told him it beat for him. I can't live without him either.

He cried and cried until he fell asleep in my arms on the living room sofa.

And Adam slept. And I fell into a restless sleep too, but neither of us woke up until 4 hours later. Neither of us were woken by nightmares.

I woke to the tear streaked face of the most beautiful person I'll ever see.

Adam POV

I woke to the wide, caring eyes of the most gorgeous man I'd ever meet. Inside and out.

"Adam, you know we can't just forget about this. You were so... so devastatingly... sad. You were so so sad. It kills me not knowing why, or how to make it better. I love you and I'll love you a year from now, despite what you have to tell me. I can't imagine a time I won't love you. Honey, you can tell me anything and you'll still be the most important person in my life. Please don't hold anything inside you, I can't bare to see you destroy yourself from the inside out. Please..."

Tommy trailed off and buried his face in my chest. Another whispered "please" passed his lips and it hurt to see him look so exhausted. I need to let him help me, for both our sake.

"Okay." I whispered back.

His head lifted and he tilted my face to meet his eyes, feeling wetness in my own. Trying to push it down, I blinked hard and shook my head but he held me steady.

"No more tears baby," his soft voice brought me back to earth. Nodding and giving a tired smile, I leaned forward and pecked his lips.

"No more tears," I agreed, "but I'm not making any promises on that, I've got a lot of explaining to do." He smiled at me.

"Thank you," he said, "but not today. It's a beautiful day and we're gonna live it in a beautiful way." Now I was grinning. It all felt real again, like the real us. Adam and Tommy. Tommy and Adam. Beautiful together.

"A two person star watching?" I asked. "'Cause i'm not sure i'm up to facing anyone at the moment."

"And why would we need anyone else?" He replied. "You're all I need."

Life has a funny way of showing you the best things in life after your worst days.

Tommy POV

We sat on the grass under the stars, sides pressed together, hands intertwined, in love with the sky and each other.

"You know, I don't think it gets anymore perfect than this." Adam's melodic voice drifted into the air.

"I didn't think perfect existed until two years ago..."

"When we met?"

"Nah, when I heard Marilyn Manson for the first time," I winked at him and his smile was as bright as the stars forming a canopy over our own little perfect world.

"Of course when we met, you're still the best thing that ever happened to me," I spoke seriously.

"But I've put you through so much... the accident. I don't know why I couldn't just get over it and move on, I'm so sorry. Those nightmares ruined both of our lives for a little while. Not to mention the argument. The things I said to you Tommy... and then how I reacted to Alex. I do trust you, I was just so fragile. I am fragile, and I'm sorry."

"Hey, what happened to the Adam Lambert I know who doesn't apologise for anything? He still in there?" We shared a small, sincere smile.

"Obviously, but this is different. Maybe I won't apologise for who I love, but I will apologise to who I love, and you're at the very top of that list. I promise i'll be better for you..."

"I love you exactly the way you are Adam. Never change because you can't see what I see."

A soothing silence fell like a blanket around us as we scooted closer together. At least we both know the truth; no matter how hard it gets, it'll always be easier together.

Minutes passed. 5. Then 10. Adam spoke as the first star began to fade.

"Tommy, I think I'm ready. We should go home, I'm ready to tell you everything." He sounded defeated, maybe by his own thoughts.

"I'm ready to listen. Don't be scared, nothing will make me love you any less."

Our hands melded together flawlessly as Adam drove us home. I couldn't help but feel like i was born to love him and to be loved by him, no matter the cost.

Hearts have a funny way of showing you what you love most on the days when you feel too tired to love at all.

A/N - I am so so sorry that I've taken so long to update, but here you go. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I promise they actually talk about the important stuff in the next one. More coming soon!

Also, I hope you all had a great Christmas and wishing you a very GLAM new year ;) Love you all, thanks for reading!! Byee xx