Behind Closed Doors

Please Understand

Adam POV

"He should wake up any minute Mr Koskinen, Mr Ratliff. We have done what we can about the physical damage but we don't know about brain damage yet. We will only know when he wakes up, and we will be keeping him here a little while longer to be monitored."

"What do you mean by brain damage, doctor? Do you think it could be serious?"

"I'm afraid only time will tell."

Voices. Each word felt like a dagger in my head, over and over, but my legs felt almost numb. Where the hell am I? I don't remember anything.

I heard a door close, assuming someone had left the room.

A heavy fog seemed to be hanging over my mind. I know who I am. I know that much. And I know I'm in pain.

I know I'm tired.

I want to fall back into the open arms of darkness, let them consume me, comfort me. Stop it hurting. I want to sleep because I know deep down that opening my eyes will bring on wave after wave of everything I'm too tired to deal with.

Until I heard another voice.

"Mr Koskinen? Will Adam be okay? I know you might think I'm just a kid. And maybe I am. But I know what's it's like to care about someone, you've probably gathered who, and feel like life only has meaning when they're with you. I know what love is."

"Tommy... you might think this is love. But is it? Please just convince me."

I heard the door open welcoming voices I recognised as Isaac and then Cam. I remember them. Two of my oldest friends.

"Mr Koskinen-
"Sauli."
"Sauli," Isaac corrected, "isn't the way he looks at him convincing enough? The way he talks about him? How he stayed up all night waiting. How he'd probably wait forever just to see his eyes. He'd probably wait forever, even if he only got a second to glimpse them again."

Everyone went silent. The voice I recognised as Tommy sounded tired. Broken down.

"Forever is nothing. I'd wait through a thousand forevers to tell him one 'I love you'.... and a thousand more for one last dance."

Sauli again.
"I just.. he's your teacher."

"Wait what?!" Isaac's reply came in a shriek.
"You didn't know?" Sauli asked.
"Tommy?"
"It's true. But it doesn't make anything I've said any less true."
"Bu-"

I couldn't listen to this anymore.
So I'm meant to be a teacher? And in love with a student? What the fuck Adam? Why can't you remember?

I blinked my eyes open slowly.

Four different faces appeared before me. Two were shocked, one looked conflicted. One was tear streaked and looked directly into my eyes, as I focused on his smudged eyeliner and the feel of his hand gripping mine as he enveloped me in a tight hug.

"Adam!" He exclaimed, fresh tears falling down his pale cheeks. He was still beautiful. If only I knew him.

Gently pushing him off of me, I tried to sit up only to see my leg in a cast and dark bruising on both of my arms. So that'll be why everything hurts like a motherfucker.

Ignoring the pain the best I could, I got straight to the point.

"Who are you?"

No one answered me.
I turned to Isaac.

"Who is he?" Isaac looked surprised.

"Wait, you remember me and not Tommy?"
"Yeah I remember you. And Cam. I don't know who they are though." I nodded towards the blondes on the other side of the room.

Tommy, the hugger, walked quietly out of the room, claiming he needed a minute.

"Who is he?" I insisted.
"Hang on Adam, we'll explain everything I promise. I just need to tell a doctor you're awake and check on Tommy."
"Um, okay."

Cam came up to give me a gentle hug, small smile on her lips.
"I'm so glad you're awake Addy, this is Sauli." She gestured to the man with the bright blue eyes.
"Yeah okay."
"He can tell you what you're doing here while we're gone, alright?"
I nodded, suddenly feeling helpless and just... just sad.
"Alright." I whispered. "Don't be long."
"We won't."

She kissed my forehead and closed the door behind Isaac and herself, leaving me alone with Sauli.

"Hi." He said.
"Hi."
"Did you hear anything before you properly woke up? I read about that somewhere."
"Yes actually, so I'm a teacher? And that other man, I love him?"

Sauli paused. An unreadable look spread across his face. He seemed to look at the door apologetically, as if trying to project a message through it. He took a deep breath. I took a breath, then another, and another.

I was breathing, so I'm definitely alive. Nothing could be that bad then right?

"No Adam, you don't love him. He loves you. You're his teacher and nothing can ever happen between you. You've told him that but he refuses to believe it. You're not together Adam."

"Oh." My life seems a lot more complicated than I could've guessed.
"So what do I do?"

"Honestly Adam, you need to tell him to let you go. Tell him you don't love him, that it's wrong. Tell him it's over. And if he doesn't listen then tell him again. I'm sorry, but it's the right thing to do. "

Too tired to think for myself, I just agreed and closed my eyes. I guess I'll do that when I see him next.

"I guess it's over then."

"I guess it is." He paused. "Get your sleep Adam. You're gonna need it."

Tommy POV

I had to get out of there. He doesn't remember me?

"What the fuck Adam?!" I cried, black murky tears running down my face, dragging the remains of my makeup with them.

I kicked the wall in distress and turned to lean back against it as I broke down.

"Tommy? You here?" Isaac called as I saw him turn the corner ahead.

Cam and him ran over to me. I slid down the wall to the floor, still sobbing uncontrollably.

"H-he doesn't k-know w-who I am..." I managed to get out between sobs.

"Shh calm down honey." Cam comforted quietly, rubbing my back. Isaac looked lost.

It took about an hour to stop crying. And another until I finally felt ready to see him again.

On my way to Adam's room, I passed Mr Koskinen. He lightly grabbed my arm and turned to me. His gaze held guilt.

"I'm so sorry Tommy," he whispered, "it's for the best. Please understand."

After watching him walk away, nothing else said, I found my way to Adam's door.

Pushing it open slowly, my mind was whirring at a hundred miles an hour. What was there to understand? What did he do?

I opened the door.

Why was Adam crying?