Behind Closed Doors

Real Life Hurts

Trigger Warning: Once again, mentions of suicide and depression.

Adam POV

I woke up under an old worn blanket, shivering with the chill of the morning, but with a warm body next to mine. Deep brown eyes slowly met my own sleepy ones. They were ringed with dark circles, clear vertical lines stained his smooth, pale cheeks. Tear tracks. What a way to wake up. Or maybe the nightmare was only just beginning.

A bright flash blinded me for a second, making me squirm in the arms that held me. What on earth?

Whispers and murmurs drifted towards us. More flashes. Voices from outside our garden.

"Hey!/"Hey, Adam! Talk to-"/"what happened last nigh-"/"Is it real?"/"Adam! Tommy!?/"is that a real recording?!/"Talk to us! Come on guys"/ "ADAM DO YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF"

"Wait, what the fuck?!" I heard my own voice but didn't process my mouth forming the words.

A firm hand gripped my wrist and tugged my drained body upright. Arms no longer held me, but the man they belonged to was dragging me inside, concern etched on every feature. With a pang in my heart I realised he hadn't slept.

Tommy's arm held my phone out to my face, display glowing with my recently dialled numbers.

Shit.

He's not supposed to have to deal with this, with me. It's my problem. My problem. I am the problem...

SHIT.

Why can't I stop thinking like that? I can't be down here again, it's cold and dark and there's no Tommy. There's no anything.

"Adam, what were you thinking? Please just talk to me. I'm scared to ever leave you alone now. Just tell me why. I can help you, the band can help you. Please tell us how, or we'll just have to figure it but we'll never give up on you Adam Lambert!"

A dark whirlwind of emotions rushed through me. No, tore through me. I could feel them ripping me apart.

Sadness. Guilt. Anger. Confusion. Hate. Bitterness.

They all had an explanation of some sort, but it was too much to process. Then my eyes met his, my mind was tossed into the eye of the storm and suddenly I felt calm. So much chaos ricocheted around me and inside my head, yet I gazed into his tired eyes and felt protected.

It didn't take away the pain. It never could. It just made it easier to bare. Movies and books about depression are mostly absolute bullshit:

Main character feels sad. They become friends with someone. They continue to feel even worse. They fall in love with said someone. Suddenly all sadness is taken away.

I'm telling you, right here and now. Absolute. Bull. Shite.

Real life hurts. Life hurts...

NO! Stop it Adam!

Hands were gripping my shaking shoulders, trying to coax me back to the present.

Tommy POV

All I could do was watch as he collapsed to his knees on the hard tiles, fingers clawing at his temples. Barely audible whispers carried from his lips "NO", and "Stop, please stop". God, it hurt to see.

Finally coming to my own senses, I took his shoulders and tried to bring him back to me. Eventually, crystal blue eyes, misty grey with tears, darted up to meet mine once more.

"Adam. Ad, baby, come on. I've got you." I managed to bring him to the bedroom and close our blinds against the onslaught of harsh camera flashes as the paparazzi attempted to catch a glimpse of anything between the white stone, vine covered pillars and modest fence surrounding our garden. Well, they wouldn't be having any luck today.

Turning back to my sweetheart, I found him fast asleep on our bed, hand outstretched towards me. Sighing, I went to join him.

I was a fool to attempt that conversation on zero hours sleep anyway. We both need our rest for now. When we wake up, we'll talk. Actually no, we'll take action.

All it took was another 5 second moment, when some nosy stranger decided to leak that recording of Adam and I, for everything to change all over again.

If we made it through the consequences of last time, though, we can get through this.

A/N: On another note, this really was just a filler chapter which I've just written at 00:48 in the middle of the night, so please hold out for a LOT to go down in the next chapters. I've got plans for these two ;) Also, I'm really sorry this story has been on hiatus for so long, I hope I still have some readers? Please vote and comment if you're enjoying the story so far. :)))

And lastly, thank you so much to @Syntinen_mulkku for the support on this book and inspiring me to pick up my laptop again. It means a lot! Sorry not much has happened in this update but I promise you it's coming soon. And I mean actually soon! Not Adam Lambert's Maypril soon. Lol