Behind Closed Doors

Get Me Out Of This Dream

Adam POV

A bright flash filled my vision, taking my breath and my memory. I felt the pain all over again, I felt the tears on my cheeks, the wet concrete under me. I felt the cold and heard the panicked calls. Then the calm and eerily quiet.

I felt my heart slow and my breaths become shallow and my thoughts swirl together in confusion and shock. Fear and hurt.

I opened my eyes to white walls, insistent beeping from my left hand side. There was something attached to my wrist and my leg felt stuck, immovable.
Breaths came quicker still and now my heart was racing. Agonising screams filled my ears, my own screams, as figures rushed into the room.

Individual words were distinguishable.
Awake. Heart. Too fast. Emergency.

Everything was dark again.

Then a voice. The same voice that brings me out of this every single time.

Tommy's soft whispers floated into my mind, soothing.

"Adam, baby. It's only a dream. Wake up darling, I'm here. You remember me. I love you, I love you.."

My eyelids felt heavy but I managed to lift them to reveal my love staring down at me, wide, worried eyes stripping away any defences. He'd already seen everything I thought could be worth hiding.

Including this nightmare. Far too many times before.

"That's it baby, open your eyes. Look at me, I'm here, you're here. We're safe, I love you. You're safe here. I'll keep you safe forever. I love you."

"Tommy.." I breathed out, small relieved smile painted on my face.
Then the tears. We both knew they were coming. The tears and the shaking and the insomnia.

It seems stupid, I mean all of this was over a year ago. But as I remembered Tommy and the beautiful 6 months that were stolen from my mind, I also remembered the accident. I remembered details. Doctors said they'd never heard of it happening before, but it happened to me. Just my luck, right?

So now I have the nightmares.
Though I have Tommy too.

And one of those things is a whole lot stronger than the other, chases my demons away every time. But at night they come back.
Tonight they came back.

Tommy POV

It hurts to see the terror on his face. To be woken up by screams, horrifying screams of pure despair. It hurts to hear them from him, because if you've ever been so deeply in love that you are basically a part of one another, you will now how their pain hurts you.
Adam's nightmares are agony. It's excruciating. And I watch him go through it at least one night a week.

Often I wonder if the nightmares will ever go away. Just go. Leave him alone. Leave him to forget and move on. God knows he deserves it.

"Tommy, I love you so so much," he choked out through a sob, burying his face in my chest. His tears were warm but his hands were cold. I held them. And told him everything would be okay.

It would all be alright as long as I held his hand. That's what I told myself.

Just don't let go Tommy. The voice in my head sang. Never let go of him again.

"I'm not letting go." I murmured into his silky, black hair.

I felt him smile a little into my chest. Then he lifted his head slightly to speak: "Good, because I don't ever want you to." He leaned up and pecked me on the lips softly, effects of the nightmare seeming to fade gradually.

However, I know he won't be able to sleep tonight. Glancing over at the glowing numbers on our alarm clock, I realise it's 5am. I'm sure we'll find something to do for a few hours...

One Week Later
Therapist's Office

Adam POV

I can't believe I let him talk me into this...
Why can't I say no to those freaking gorgeous, hypnotising, deep brown eyes?! Oh wait... that explains it. He's perfect and I love him.

"having these dreams?..." Caroline asked, pen poised over notepad. Too lost in my thoughts, I only heard the last part of the question.

"Uhh, urm sorry, what?"
She shot what was probably meant to be a reassuring smile my way. It wasn't working. I was consciously fidgeting; playing with the buttons on my shirt, running my hands through my hair, biting my nails, chipping the already flaking black nail polish in the process. A bad, nervous habit I really need to kick one day. Just not today.

"How long have you been having these dreams, Adam?"
"Nightmares. Th-they're not dreams. They're nightmares." I stuttered slightly.

"In general, around 10 months, ever since I remembered the accident. They weren't too bad at first but then I started remembering details, the feel of the concrete and tears. Waking up in the hospital, the confusion. It's like I can feel my heart beat slowing down and speeding up all over again. It feels like nearly dying, on repeat. Over and over. Each time more terrifying than the last."

"And does anything make you feel better? An activity, hobby, person perhaps?" I saw her eyes dart towards the door then back to me. Tommy was waiting outside that door. I couldn't let him down.

Just tell her Adam. You've said so much already. Stop being defensive, for Tommy. He deserves better.

"Yeah I guess. Music definitely, performing with the band." I didn't have to specify what band. Pretty much everyone had heard of Nothing To Hide when we'd come runner up on American Idol around 8 months ago.

Caroline nodded her head, listening carefully.

"Not just Music though. My friends cheer me up, and I love to see family, I'm especially close with my mum and brother." I informed her, wondering if she'd ask about the other more obvious person.

A short pause while I watched her and she watched me. She put her pen down and leant back in her chair.

"Anyone else?" Another smile. Once again, I did not feel reassured.

"Tommy."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Do I really need to?" We shared a smile and I caught a glimpse of the engagement ring adorning her finger, catching the light as she laced them together on her lap.

"It could help to talk about a positive. Tommy and your relationship would definitely be a good place to start." She hinted.

"Maybe next time?"
"Okay Adam, I look forward to seeing you again."

I stood up to shake her hand but instead got pulled into a hug.

"I'm a hugger, sue me." She shrugged her shoulders.
"See you."
"Bye."

And I was out the door, immediately enveloped in a bonecrushing hug.

"How did it go?" An excitable blonde bundle of beautiful asked me loudly.

"Good. It was good," I informed, "thank you."

"No Adam, thank you. Not just for giving this a go but for everything. I love you so much." The passion put a sparkle in his eyes.

"I love you too, Tommy. Now loosen your grip before you suffocate me." He laughed and released me.

"Okay Okay, now lets do something. Ice cream?"

"Hell Yeah!"

"You feeling Sprinkles or Ben And Jerry's?"
"Take a guess."
"Your smiling so Sprinkles it is. And I'm totally getting you an extra flake because you deserve it." He kissed my cheek sweetly.

"What did I do to deserve that?" I giggled.
"Made me the happiest man alive."
"Well if that earns an extra flake then you're getting one too." Now I kissed his cheek.

"Let's go!"