Behind Closed Doors

Made It Out Alive

Adam POV

That's really weird. I swear I couldn't find my phone earlier. Oh well, I've got it now. And a long text from Tommy. The guy I just saw punch a teacher in the face. Respect to him. I don't agree with violence at all but something about Tommy sticking up for himself gives me chills. As if I should be the one sticking up for him, protecting him, not that he needs me to do that obviously.

I still want to though. I want to be with him. Teacher and student, or not. My memory may be fucked and my heart may be lost but that's because it leapt right out of my chest with Tommy when he left my room that night. I told him that I didn't love him. But I think I lied.

I may have forgotten the last 6 months of my life but I do know what's right and wrong. I'm the same person I was before those headlights turned my whole life into one massive, confusing car crash. So really, right and wrong still don't mean too much to me.

My whole life I was told I was wrong. I liked the wrong things, loved the wrong people. Their wrong was my right. Everything they told me wasn't right with me, gave me the best memories with the best people. The best feelings. No one can tell me love isn't right.

So why should this be any different? Maybe the law has a little say this time, but as far as I'm concerned love is much more involved than rules. Whether Sauli told me I didn't love Tommy, he and Isaac tell me otherwise. Actually I've realised that Sauli didn't tell the whole story. I don't hold it against him because I don't know him. But I understand his reasons I guess. Probably thought he was doing the right thing.

Another reason that I have no problem with his split lip and how it came about.

Isaac and Cam told me that Tommy and I were in a real relationship, a fucking good one. And that even if I don't remember, which devastates me, they're sure I would fall for him again if we just spent time together. That's why I asked him to talk to me. That's why I'm crying as I figure out my password. And I'm numb as I read his message. Numb and broken.

Adam, please know that I love you. I know you feel the same. But you need to find yourself before I can be around you.

Honestly, it hurts too much. Trust me, I would much rather tell you this in person. Much rather hold your hand and look into your eyes. But I'm afraid if I took your hand I couldn't let go. This is me letting go.

You told me it was over. Maybe it is but I'm always waiting. I want you to ask me to stay, to remember why you would want me to. Tell me it's not over and it doesn't have to be. But if you can't promise me another chance then let me let you go.

Holding on really does hurt. Not as much as letting go. But it still hurts. I never thought loving you would get me hurt. I never want to hurt you.

Tommy.

Oh god, I'm so sick of decisions. Why I can't I just remember?...

Tommy POV

Looking back again at the text I sent him, another crack seemed to form on my heart. I can't believe I said that. I don't regret it, but what if he tells me it's over. Or even worse, doesn't reply. Doesn't even care?

Why am I doing this to myself?

Do I even want to know what he says?

Two minutes later I hear rapid knocking on my apartment door. Cautiously I go to open it, no idea who I'll find on the other side.

"Adam..." I gasp.

He stands up on one leg, supporting himself with a hand on the door frame and surges forward to kiss me. It felt like it lasted forever. I wish it could.

As I pulled away I noticed tear steaks on his cheeks.

"It's not over Tommy. It's not, it can't be. I think I'm in love with you. Or I know I am. I want to remember everything but I think only you can help me. Please Tommy, don't let go."

"I'm not." I laughed tearfully. "I'm not letting go of you." As if to prove my point I held his shaking frame in my arms, kissing the tears from his cheeks, before helping him back down into the wheelchair.

"Thank you." I heard him whisper softly.
"I need to figure some things out, but I need you Tommy."

"I need you too."

Adam POV

I don't know how I find comfort in his unfamiliar arms.

But I do know that I find it in his familiar heart.

Laying here, head on his chest, pressed against his heartbeat, it doesn't matter what I understand or what I know. Because it feels right.
We feel right.

"We'll work it out Adam," he strokes his hand through my hair gently.

"I don't know about you, but you mean more to me than I can explain and we will work it out. Work us out. I don't care what it takes for you to remember everything. That's the only thing that could keep us apart."

"It can't keep us apart anymore. Whether I remember how I met you or the first words we spoke or the first night we spent together, the first date, first kiss, first 'I love you', first 'I need you', it doesn't matter. Because there's so many more of those things ahead of us."

We stayed up all night talking. Learning, I guess. We'd probably had every conversation before but he didn't seem to mind.
By dawn I knew him. By dawn I'd remembered the first time I saw him. By midday the next day I'd remembered the next few weeks we'd spent together. By that night I'd remembered our first date.

The little things he said. He did. All jogged my memory. The doctors said it would come back bit by bit eventually but not all by itself.

One by one, I remembered the words and rhythms to every song we'd written, memorised the simple melody of his heartbeats and breaths, learnt to recognise the complicated looks in his eyes; love, anger, sadness, relief, determination.

Piece by piece, he put back together the broken fragments of my mind until I wasn't so broken.
Lit the spark in my heart and the passion in my blood until I was no longer numb.

Kiss by kiss, we found feelings that blinding lights and white hospital walls had hidden.
Every touch fuelled the flame.
Every word wrote our story.

Until two weeks later, I was back at work, Tommy still my student. Sauli now my friend, a trusted friend.

Fixed. Wanted. Alive.

The end of a chapter. But not the end of our story.

A phone call from American Idol one year later. After one year of hiding. And we were free.

Nothing To Hide had a real shot. And now Tommy and I had nothing to hide either.

We held hands in public. We danced in fields. We kissed under stars. We loved with all our hearts.

We went through hell at times.
Fights, regrets.
But always made it out alive.
Never fell out of love.

Because he put me back together when I needed him. I gave him a reason to keep going when he had none.

Tommy POV

He loved me when I couldn't even love myself.
Feelings never went away, even when he couldn't remember my name.
Now neither of us will ever forget again. That is our past.

This is our future.

If anyone's got a problem with that, we tell them we don't give two fux.

Their wrong is our right, as Adam once said to me about a year ago.

I'll never want anyone else.