Cancer (Frerard)

Chapter 24, Helena

Today is the day my life is offically over, its like its my funeral aswell.

It was my hearts funeral 2 weeks ago, love was just a red rose on the coffin door. I don't think I can do this, I can't. But I have to none the less for him because we promiced Forever.

"Forever?"

"Forever"

I can still hear his voice softly whispering that into my ear, chilling my spine. I can still feel his arms wrap around my waist as I drifted off to sleep. I even miss him scratching his neck when he was nervous.

I miss everyhting he did. I just miss him.

My suit we wed in bags my paler skin, eyes have bags of grey around them due to sleepless nights and lots of coffee and red bull. I tie the tie tight, almost chocking me which I deserve because after all, its all my fault. 

If I'd just made him go to chemo he might still be hear. We would be planning our holiday to New York to get married again offically in a church. Frank would be talking about a puppy that I promiced and I would be happy.

But I had to ruin it again. My mom and dad died because of me. I just had to piss dad off before driving didnt I. Then look what happened. Now, now this. All I had to do was pressure him.

"Its not your fault Gee. Im okay now, I love you" I turn in joy to see a shadowy figure of Frank, head full of hair and black thick crosses over his eyes.

"This is a dream, please say its a dream. Frankie, ive missed you-"

"Ger, who are you talkin' to?" I turn to see Mikey, lookin quite worried on the corner of the room, leaning as normal on the door.

I smile and grab Franks hand.

"See Mikey, I told you he wasnt dead" But theres no one there. Franks gone.

"Ger, are you okay? we gotta go soon." my smile fades as I look to pansy in the corner.  The last person to touch it was Frank.

I grab the 2 songs, pansy and a photo of mme Frank and I just after we got married, and theres one of us in New York.

We enter the cemetery.

The church was small, cute and beautiful just like how Frank would have wanted.

I see many nameless faces to which I dont care about. Thats when I see the open casket.  His beautiful angeletic face now with the real angels, hair spikey and half shaved and dyed red as per his requests.

He has the same suit as me, exactly the same. Mikey holds my sholders as we walk towards the casket. We hear small sobs but nothing like my heart would dare to do. I would shatter the planet to peices.

The walk was slow. I hold pansy tight untill we reach the forever box.

"Frankie, I want you to know that I love you. I can't see you like this, you are so beautiful. The world is ugly but your beautiful to me. Even thought the light behind your eyes has faded, they'll always shine brighter than the stars. I guess you joined the black parade Fun Ghoul, sing it for the world. Sing it for me. Frank Antony Iero, you are the only love of my life and I will always love you" I peck his cold lips soft and put pansy in hand hands before sliding a pack of smokes into his pocket and tap lightly.

"Now you can have em" I cry and cry and cry inside. I cant let him go. Throught the service, Mikey holds me close hummkng and saying its okay repetitively. 

As the service ends, most people leave including his parents but Mikey and I stay for me to sing as the casket closes.

"Can you keep it open untill I finish?" Mikey asks while the vicar nods.

I hold pansy and stsrt to play the first song.

I never said I'd lie and wait forever

If I died, we'd be together

I can't always just forget her

But she could try

At the end of the world

Or the last thing I see

You areNever coming home

Never coming home

Could I?

Should I?

And all the things that you never ever told me

And all the smiles that are never ever...Ever...

Get the feeling that you're never

All alone and I remember now

At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies

She diesAt the end of the world

Or the last thing I see

You areNever coming home

Never coming homeCould I? Should I?

And all the things that you never ever told me

And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me

Never coming home Never coming home

Could I? Should I?

And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me

For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

If I fallIf I fall

At the end of the world

Or the last thing I see

You areNever coming home

Never coming homeNever coming home

Never coming homeAnd all the things that you never ever told me

And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me

Never coming home

Never coming home

Could I? Should I?

And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me

For all the ghosts that are never gonna...

When I finish, Mikeys crying and the clouds seperate and the rain stops. Now its for the one I spent most time on. After the first words he said to me.

Turn away,

If you could get me a drink Of water

'cause my lips are chapped and faded

 Call my aunt Marie

Help her gather all my things

And bury me in all my favorite colors, 

My sisters and my brothers,

still, I will not kiss you, 

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.

 Now turn away, 

'Cause I'm awful just to see 

'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,

 Oh, my agony, Know that I will never marry, 

Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo

But counting down the days to go

It just ain't livingAnd I just hope you know

That if you say

Goodbye today

I'd ask you to be true

Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you" Fuck,

"Ill miss you frankie babe, I will always love you" the casket closes as does mine for my unknowing fate draws into its lining for fate. My story has been written.

When I get home, I find the cokane from under my bed that I bought last Wednesday from Ali the local dealer that I use to buy off. I also gather the 5 bottles of vodka, coke, beer and shots and seclude to my room.

Time to get waisted.