I wish I could say that I'm better but I'm not.
I still hate myself.
I still wish I didn't have to deal with the world.
I still don't eat as much as a normal person does.
I still feel the urge to cut.
I still cry myself to sleep.
The only difference now is that people know that I hate myself and they lie to me to try and make me feel better. They will deny it and say it's the truth but when there are so many people taking you otherwise, it's hard to tell who is telling the truth.
Today I was outside on my trampoline, because I was bored and had nothing else to do. And this blond girl who was society's definition of perfect, blond ocean wavy hair, super skinny, super cute clothes, walks by and I just mind my own business only looking at her for a second because I was seeing who was walking by because that's a normal thing to do. She turns to me and says "what the hell are you looking at" and I stoped jumping and said "nothing" and she said "you really should keep jumping, someone of... your size needs as much exercise as they can get" and I told her to fuck off and she said "oh don't worry I'm leaving, I wouldn't want any of my friends to see me talking to someone like you, not that you even know what it's like to have friends" and then she walked away and I fell weak onto the trampoline and started crying.
Random people like this feel the need to inform me of what I already know. And it sucks.
