Sixth grade started and the girl didn't have many friends, it was a small school only about 54 students in her grade. She was so happy to leave behind all of the people from her old school. She was a bitch, it was how she protected herself... she has very bad trust issues due to her dad, he left her and her mom when she was 3 and he pretends to care about her but he really doesn't. She knows that her dad doesn't care for her and she wishes that he would just stay out of her life completely instead of coming back when it's convenient for him. She doesn't open up to people, she is quiet, she knows a few people from her old school but they weren't friends, hell they barely even talked, but at least it was someone she knew. Her and the person became very close, they became very good friends because neither of them had friends at this new school. A few other people became friends with them but the girl and her friend were closer with each other than anyone else.
Then something terrible happened, a girl from the girl's old school joined her new school, it was the friend from band. She was happy to have an old friend back, but something changed. The girls "friend" had become very mean, in fact she hated the girl, she had no reason to hate the poor girl she just did. The "friend" started bullying the girl; the girl did her best to ignore her "friend" but it didn't work. The "friend" would trip the girl in the halls, she would prank call the girl's phone, and she called the girl terrible things. The poor girl who was already depressed became even more depressed, she hated herself more each day. She believed every negative comment that everyone said to her, the negative comments built up a wall in her brain and whenever anyone said something positive about her the positive thing would just bounce off the wall. She started drawing on her wrists because she didn't want to cut, drawing only works for so long. The girl continued to get bullied and she closed herself off even more. She was doing okay in school, she wasn't great at math but she never had been, she loved art even though she thought she was terrible at it, she liked humanities because she liked history but she hated the humanities teacher. She didn't like Spanish because while she didn't find it very hard it involved a lot of class participation and she hated talking to big groups of people. She loved orchestra, she had been playing the violin since fourth grade and she played very quite but she enjoyed it, also the boy that she liked played the cello so she got to see him in orchestra and the other few classes she had with him. In the mornings she did choir, she was a soprano, she couldn't hit any low notes but damn she could sing high, she hated her voice but she loved singing. She so badly wanted to be liked by others that she had no personality, she wouldn't bring up something that she liked until someone else brought it up first because she didn't want to like something that someone else hated. She had really bad anxiety and her depression got worse, she stoped eating at school because she thought she was fat, she hated the way she looked and people at her old school used to tell her that she was fat and like all other negative comments she believed them.
~Seventh Grade~
She still hated herself, she still didn't have many friends, but now she ate less than before. She was loosing weight fast but she saw no difference. The mirror still only showed her what she hated. A few months past and she has become even closer with her best friend, they were like sisters, she had another friend too, she got close with that friend because of choir, the friend was funny, sweet and had such an amazing person. As the months passed she got closer to the friend she began to notice that she didn't just like the friend as a friend, she started to form a crush on the friend. The girl had a new group of friends thanks to the friend from choir, this group of friends was really nice and she was already kinda friends with most of them. She got closer with the group and trusted them completely, which was very hard for her to do because of her trust issues, she told them everything.
The girls' mom had a boyfriend. Her mom's boyfriend was strict, he had very different rules than the Mom had and the girl had a hard time with the new rules and got in trouble a lot. She didn't like her mom's boyfriend because he tried to hard to fill a place in her life that was dark and wasn't a spot that she wanted or needed filled. Her moms boyfriend would make jokes but the jokes were always mean and he never laughed or smiled meaning it was impossible to tell he was joking.
The girl had a secret. A huge secret. She ended up telling her new group of friends this secret on the night before Easter and not even a day later around twelve cops show up at the girl's house. She was terrified. She had made them promise not to tell anyone and they did it directly after she told them. The girls' Mom talked to the cops and then had a conversation with the girl. The girl cried and cried and cried. She hadn't thought anything through. She told her mom and her mom cried. She told her mom about her cuts too because the friends had mentioned that to the cops too. The mom cried and took away everything in her room that the girl had cut with. The girl didn't sleep that night she didn't know who out of her group of friends had told and she felt like she couldn't trust anyone. She hadn't even told her best friend the secret but now the had to, she told her best friend before school started and her best friend cried and asked why she hadn't told her, the girl said she was to afraid and she didn't want her to see her differently. She went to school and cried during a few of her classes. She didn't talk to anyone besides her best friend. The principal called the girl into her office, the girl was so scared. The principal told the girl that her friends had told her everything and she gave the girl her personal number and told her to stay strong and call her if she ever needed to. The girl went back to class crying because she didn't want the principal to know the best friend hugged the friend when she came back crying. One of the friends out of the group of friends walked over to the girl in the middle of class and asked her what happened the girl tried her best to not cry, she explained to the friend that someone had told and that she didn't know who to trust and the cops showed up and the principal talked to her, the friend looked shocked and asked why someone would tell and asked the girl if she knew who told, she said she didn't and the friend looked relived. The girl wouldn't find out until a few days later was that all of them agreed that they had to tell the cops. She was furious with them but she understood why they did what they did. A cop from the local high school came to talk to the girl during school, the cop questioned her about the events and then the cop left and the girl went back to class once again crying. The girl became friends with the group again because they were some of the only people that knew her secret and though she didn't trust them she still loved them and needed their support especially now. The end of the school year came and nothing had really changed. A few of the friends were mad that nothing had changed and they told the cops again. The cops told DHS and they told the girls mom that her boyfriend had to leave. He did and the girl's mom started talking to a social worker and she said that the family, the girl, her mom, and the girls younger sister, would have a safety meeting to talk about safety plans and future plans. When the social worker came she came with cops and told the girls Mom and the girl that both girls( the girl and her younger sister) would have to go stay with their biological fathers. The girl was mortified, she hated her father but she hated her sisters father more. She worried for the life of her younger sister. They packed for a few week worth of clothes and activities and then said goodbye to their mom. They all cried and the girl asked multiple times if the sister could just go with her or stay with their grandparents they said no because the father a a right to have her. The girl screamed at them about how her sisters dad was a terrible person, he was always drunk and only called her mom at four in the morning claiming he wanted to see the girl's sister. He wasn't a part of their life and the girl wanted things to stay that way, the people ignored the girls crying and screaming and sent her sister away with her dad and sent the girl away with her dad.
The girl arrived at her dads house and it was disgusting, there were bugs and fleas everywhere, trash was everywhere except the trash can. And she didn't have anywhere to sleep. Her dad decided to let her sleep on his girlfriend's daughters' bed and the girlfriend's daughter would sleep in their bed with them. And if that wasn't enough they also didn't have a sink in the bathroom. The girl cried for hours after arriving. She hated her life so much, she had taken some of her stuffed animals with her because she knew she needed something that she could hug that would smell like home. She hugged the fake wolf and cat that were now soaked with tears. The next day the girls dad drive the girl to the police station where she had to get questioned once again by a cop but then she had to get questioned by a dhs worker. She had so much anxiety she cried a lot. Her younger sister also got questioned, her sister is 6 so all she did was draw a few pictures and answer the few prompted questions that she was asked. When the girl was questioned they asked her things knowing the answers that they wanted to hear. The girls dhs worker who was named Stephanie promised the girl that she would get to see her sister a lot while they were with their dads, she also promised to check in on them both every other day. Days past and no sing if Stephanie or her sister. She didn't like being at her dads, the girl never slept she just cried, she didn't talk to anyone but her grandpa and a few friends on the phone, she wasn't allowed to talk to her mom.
It was finally time for the girl to go back home and see her mom and sister for the first time in weeks. She saw her mom and hugged her she cried and told her how much she loved her, then her sister got home and she cried harder, she hugged her mom and sister. Days passed and things were the same, the only difference was that her mom's boyfriend wasn't allowed any contact with the girl or her sister. Weeks past and nothing new.
~Eighth Grade~
The girl's friends still hadn't changed she still has the same best friend and she has crushes on the same people. Well her friends aren't all the same, one of her really good friends changed schools and the girl cried a lot because she had no way to contact her. The girl is still depressed, she still has anxiety, she still has her scars, she still loves art, and she's still bad at math. Her mom's boyfriend still can't have any contact with her or her sister. The girl, her mom, and her sister all live at the girl's grandparents house because her mom doesn't make enough money on her own. The girl loves her friends and likes school because she likes spending time with her friends. When the girl tries to remember what happened she can't because after going through so many questioning sessions with questions that would push her to answer a certain way, she doesn't know what are her memories and what dhs has placed in her mind. Eighth grade isn't over yet and the girl doesn't want it to be. She is stressed and she can't deal with all the stress. She doesn't want to go to high school but as the end of the year approaches she just gets less and less ready. She has many tryouts and auditions to do, she hates auditions and tryouts. She isn't ready to grow up, she isn't ready to move on... she isn't ready for the future.
The girl is me.
This is my life.
Obviously there are more very important parts of my life that I didn't include because I don't remember them perfectly and I don't want to get them wrong.
