I'm not even sure how many people are pissed off at me right now,
I've got at least two maybe three pissed off friends,
and my grandma is pissed off at me,
and my dad is just being an asshole and not answering so I mean not necessarily pissed off at me but just being a dick, and this all happened tonight.
I really need to learn when to shut the fuck up.
It's not necessarily my fault that I can't see the beauty in myself that everyone else sees.
I can't control how I see things.
And then of course I didn't stop there and I let my big mouth keep talking and it made one of my other friends get pissed off at me and it makes me really mad at myself because he has never gotten pissed off or mad at me before and now he is.
I feel like there is nothing I can do right now because I'm afraid to say anything and just make things worse like I always do. This is why I don't say a lot, because I always say the wrong thing and I mess shit up.
I had to complain about some bitch in the store and be selfish, if I would have kept my fucking mouth shut everything would be fine.
I hate myself so much and I don't know how to describe to people that I'm not seeking attention or compliments, I just can't see anything good about my appearance. My entire friend group does this thing where they all gang up on me telling me I'm beautiful and skinny and to normal people that would be a positive thing but for me it's just like being in an argument and having no one on your side and having like four people on the other side.
I hate bringing anything up because it always seems like I'm just doing it for attention when really I'm not. After one of my friends said she was leaving the conversation I felt so bad and by that point everything had just built up and I started crying, since then I've stopped crying but as I said earlier now one of my friends who has never been mad or pissed off at me before is now both mad and pissed off and I'm crying again because I know it's my fault, because everyone is always my fault.
