I Told You, I'm A Monster

Chapter Eleven

"It's okay, hyung. Shh. Breathe. You have to breathe." Yoongi is sitting next to Seokjin on their couch, rubbing his back and speaking to him in what he hopes is a soothing manner. The older is shaking, tears are streaming down his cheeks, and his breaths are coming in short puffs that, frankly, are worrying Yoongi. "Do you want me to help you think of things to ground you?" Seokjin nods, and the younger nods along with him. "Okay. I am talking to you. I am rubbing your back. Essential oils are diffusing into the air. The clock on the wall is ticking. You're on the couch at home. Can you think of a few?"

Seokjin's breathing has slowed down a bit, but it's still too rapid to be normal. He blinks back a fresh wave of tears, and his voice comes in a soft whisper. "I smell dinner cooking. I hear the music coming from your studio." He and Yoongi keep naming things until Seokjin has calmed down.

"Good, hyung. Good job." Yoongi's voice is soft and gentle. "Can you tell me what happened? If you can't speak it, then write it out for me." Yoongi doesn't have any extensive training in the field Seokjin is in, but he took some psychology classes for fun, so he knows a thing or two. Not to mention the countless times he listened to Seokjin drilling his notes for his tests over and over. So some things stuck, and Yoongi is glad for that.

After another deep breath, Seokjin speaks quietly. "I saw Kim Taehyung today."

Whatever Yoongi was expecting to hear from his best friend, it certainly wasn't THAT. Those five words send a flurry of emotions coursing through Yoongi: Anger, sadness, pity, confusion. "Does he work at the hospital with you?"

"Yeah. He's a group therapist."

Yoongi nods, and the two sit in silence for a few moments before the oven beeps, signaling that dinner is ready. Seokjin stands to get it, insisting that he's fine, and Yoongi follows him into the kitchen to get drinks ready. When they're settled down and eating, Yoongi finally speaks up again. "Hyung, can you handle being there with him there? With the severity of the panic attack you had earlier, well, it makes me worry."

Seokjin swallows the bite of meat in his mouth and shrugs. "There's only one way to find out. I think once the shock wears off, I'll see how it goes."

"Well, that's an interesting attitude to have." Yoongi chuckles softly. "We just can not have a repeat of what happened last year."

"I know, Yoongi. I know." Seokjin does know, but his thoughts don't have as much conviction as his words do. The fear is already forming at the back of his mind, and if he lets it latch on, well...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hoseok, I want you to tell me again what happened, very slowly. Speak slowly. Can you do that? I can't understand you when you're talking so fast. Breathe."

A shaken Hoseok nods, as he rocks back and forth and holds himself, feeling small in the chair he's sitting in. After a minute, he repeats for at least the fifth time what he'd said. "I did a bad thing. Jimin had a broken pocketknife, and so I stole a new one for him, like a present. I wanted him to have a nice present, so I snuck it out of the pocket of one of the nurses when he wasn't looking." He pauses to let the female nurse finish writing and motion for him to continue. "This afternoon when I was taking a nap, I had a scary dream." His voice trembles, and he feels the need to say the rest in a rush, which the nurse senses.

"Hoseok, breathe. Take steady breaths. Tell me clearly so I can write it down properly, alright? Take your time." She speaks soothingly, and Hoseok nods.

"In my dream, I was with Jimin. We were, um, having sex," his face turns red at that, "and when we were finished, he took the pocketknife out from somewhere hidden and handed it to me. He said he wanted each of us to kill ourselves so we could be together forever." He blinks back a wave of tears that threatens to start flowing down his cheeks. "It didn't take very much convincing for me to agree. When I sliced into my wrist, I woke up screaming, and I guess that's when the orderly found me."