I Told You, I'm A Monster

Chapter Twenty

For the first time in a long time, Hoseok wakes up feeling at peace. He knows that Jimin isn't going to bother him, he's safe from the knives and whatever else the younger had hidden in his room, and best of all, the voices in his head have decreased to a dull roar since he stopped talking to Jimin.

Part of him feels guilty for being so happy, though. He and Jimin had known each other for nearly two years now, and they'd shared a lot together and become really close. So if that's the case, he shouldn't be feeling happy to have the other out of his life, right?

He's started up daily (sometimes twice daily) sessions with Dr. Zhang, and he asks him this when they're sitting comfortably with chocolate pudding and apple juice in Hoseok's room.

“That's not an easy answer.” Dr. Zhang sets his pen down. “You should never feel guilty for feeling the way you feel, but you and Jimin did know each other for quite a long time.” He pauses to take a sip of his apple juice, which Hoseok for some reason finds delight in. “If you think about it though,” he continues, “you're the one that made the decision to cut off all contact with Jimin. As close as two people can be, when one person is detrimental to the other, a hard decision has to be made to not talk to them anymore.”

“That's true.” Hoseok sets his empty pudding cup aside and rakes a hand through his hair. “As a qualified professional, do you think I made the right decision?”

“My qualifications have nothing to do with this.” The doctor smiles, showing his deep dimples. “But, as someone who has extensively reviewed and taken part in cases similar to yours and Jimin's, most of which did not turn out well, yes, I absolutely think you made the right decision.”

“Thank you.” Hoseok feels a weight lift off his shoulders hearing the doctor say that. “I needed that validation, because sometimes, all I can think about is how upset Jimin probably was when you told him what I said.”

“I'm going to tell you something that may sound a bit sharp, okay?” Hoseok nods and adjusts his position where he's sitting on his bed. “It doesn't matter what Jimin says, does, or thinks, because our goal is getting you better so you can get out of this place someday. You want that, right?”

“Of course I do,” Hoseok says without hesitation. “I miss my family, even though I haven't heard from them in a little over a month because they've been busy with their lives. I don't want to go back to them the same person I was when I came in here.”

“That is exactly the thing I like to hear!” Dr. Zhang grins as he raises his little cup of apple juice, and Hoseok's smile is goofy as he lifts his as well. They 'clink' their plastic cups together and each take a drink at the same time. “I really am proud of you, Hoseok. You've made a complete turnaround since--” He's interrupted when his phone rings. “Ah, please excuse me one moment.” He frowns as he taps and swipes the screen and puts the phone to his ear. “Hello?” His eyes widen after a moment, and he's barely able to answer “O-okay. Be right there. Yeah.” He hangs up, looking dismayed and bewildered.

“Is something wrong?” Even as Hoseok asks, he has a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.

“Ah.” Dr. Zhang shakes his head as if to snap himself out of a trance. “I'm sorry, Hoseok. I need to end our session a bit early. Stay in your room until you're told to come out, okay?”