your last

f o u r t e e n

It has been a few days since I ignored and avoided talking to Mingyu. He seems so clueless about what he had done to me. He tried to approach me and trying to get my attention but it just a wasted.  I wish you would want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to you right now.

It's not his fault actually because he didn't know that I like him. If I don't like him from the start, it won't be like this. My life wouldn't be this complicated, I am the one who chose this way but it is his fault that he's lying to me. Like why did he said that he doesn't have a girlfriend? The purpose of lying? the motive? that was an obvious lie.

Today would be my last day to meet all my friends and teachers. Mom gave me a day for me to meet all my friends before we move to tomorrow. Somehow I feel excited but sad at the same time but I am sure that everything happens for a good reason. Probably...

And the worst thing is I need to leave Mingyu. The guy that I admire with all my heart since the first time I saw him. The guy that I always wanted to be with. The guy that always makes me nervous and happy at the same time when he's around me. I hope God would make this easy for me. I really need my happy good old time back. 

Ignore and leave everything that ever happened to me is not easy. It will still leave scars on me no matter what happens. Not everything is forgettable. 

but still, I need to leave. I need to move on because I won't see him anymore. I think at least say a simple goodbye to him? for the sake of a friend, I guess.

after I meet and hugged my friends and teachers, I make a move to find Mingyu. The hardest part of it.

I hid in the hallways outside of his class when the break time started, waiting for him to go out. I don't want his friends to notice me.

I waited for him to go out but it has been 15 minutes. He's still not coming out from the class. Did he come to school today? Man, should I go home now? 

I peeked him from the outside and I can see him sitting in his place alone. Should I go to him? What if someone saw me and tell his girlfriend and things get worse? I only need to say few words and I'm free to go. Okay, come on Taeha.

I gathered all my courage left in me then walked towards him. I patted his shoulders and:

"I told you we are over! Can you stop-" he shouted and when he saw my face, he continued.

"Tae! I didn't know it was you. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it to you-" he apologized me over and over.

"It's okay. I actually wanted to tell you-"I cleared my throat then suddenly 

"Yah bitch! it's funny how people still wanted to, you know confess and cheating on you even though they know you have a girlfriend. Bitches everywhere"  a girl shouted at my face as soon as she entered the class. who is she? 

I looked at mingyu. He just sits there looking at the girl without saying anything. He didn't bother to look at me. What is just happening?

"Yah ugly shit! Kim Mingyu is my boyfriend! How can you still alive in this world," she shouted. and I can see everyone is started to make a crowd watch this dramatic drama of us.

My eyes are started to tear up. How I wish Vernon is here to help me. I am so pathetic.

"Stop acting innocent here. Babe speak up, ask her to leave us!" she pushed my shoulder and I fall on the ground. I cried even harder. 

"Taeha, can you leave?" he pushed me out of the class. Everyone started to boo-ing me and laughed at me. 

Why do I feel like I've been stabbed on what he just did? Why is everything that his girlfriend just told me is so true, and I know this is coming but I didn't take any action to avoid this. I still allow myself to be a bitch that will break someone's relationship.

What am I doing standing here? Crying and get Mingyu's sympathy? hoping him to persuade me? no not anymore. HE'S A LOYAL PERSON. He won't do that to me. He's still breaking my heart and he doesn't even know.

I wiped my face with a shirt after I wet my face with the sink water. I adjusted my shirt and my skirt so that I wouldn't embarrass my self in front of everyone in the school again. Today is my worst school day and I'm glad that I will leave this ugly ass school.

I run out of the school. Run as fast as I can until I reached my house. I locked room door and covered my face with my pillow. I cried. I cry as much as I can. I feel so hurt.

It's funny how you know you really love someone and you can't hate them for breaking you into pieces. Like Mingyu, I knew he has a girlfriend since the first time I saw him, but I still fall for him. it's just something that I can't control myself. The heart wants what it wants.

Now I know that crushes are called crush because they are crushing our soul and Mingyu did that. I feel empty. All his words, all his words are actually nothing to him. He never meant it but they are everything to me, everything that can change my whole life.

I look at Mings. The teddy bear that Mingyu gave me for my birthday. He wrote on the card;

whenever you feel sad and yknow need someone that you can share a problem to, just tell mings, he will listen to it all like i would do to you ;)

In this case, who should I tell about my problems? Mings? and it's funny how Mingyu wrote to share my problem with Mings because he is Mings, but then he's the one who is being my problem right now. The one who made me feel bad.

But to be honest, on the day he gave me Mings, I just felt so special. It was the happiest day of my life but now it doesn't make me feel special and happy like it used to. It made me feel worse. Worse for trusting on everything he said.  the lies.

I took the heart shaped box that I bought to put all my memories with him. I opened it, I cried looking at all the polaroids pictures that we took together, the movie tickets, the candy wrapper that he gave me when the first time he helped me, the card that he gave on my birthday and many more. 

Those should make he happy like it used to, but now it feels nothing. It feels stupid, ironic. I cry and cry and cry.

After what he did to me, my feelings wouldn't die easily because I will keep feeding it with all our sweet memories. At least it is sweet for me, but surely nothing for him.