if i believe you | negan

chapter xiv.

ARRIVING BACK at the Sanctuary made me relieved, as I so desperately needed to eat. I sprang out of the truck, making a bolt for the mess hall when Negan called my name.

"y/n, meet me in my quarters." He said, turning around to speak to his men, not giving me a chance to refuse. I figured he was serious, as he never usually called me to his room himself. I walked into the Sanctuary, slowly stalking passed the mess hall to at least get a whiff of something edible.

I walked to Negan's room, letting myself in and making a break for the bathroom before he came. As I finished up, I walked back out into his living room, glancing around and finding a bookshelf, stacked to the top with literature.

I looked at every spine and recognized mostly classics. I found myself lost in the world of books as Negan's voice brought me back to reality.

"Find anything you like?" He asked, slowly walking towards the living room and finding comfort on the couch.

"I'm surprised to see it's mostly classics, not that I'm not into classics, they just bring up high school and college memories. Always having to read a few classics every summer before the year began, quite boring and unpleasing." I shared, running my fingers over the old binding.

He wasn't speaking, or doing anything for that matter. I didn't know what else to say as I knew he hadn't just called me here to talk about books.

"Why'd you-"

"I do." He said, butchering my question. I turned to look at him and he looked bothered. I sat down on the chair across from him, waiting for him to continue but he never did, nor did he meet my eyes.

"You do what?" I asked, my voice growing smaller and more curious by the second.

"I do," He started, but stopped again. Almost as if he couldn't finish the sentence, but also as if he knew he had to. "Care about you." He finished, looking up at me and finally meeting my eyes.

I swallowed hard, not knowing how to respond. I knew how I felt about him, I did, I even admitted it. But hearing those words from him, from Negan, it sent so many emotions through me.

His thumb was brushing his bottom lip as he looked back at the ground as if he wished he hadn't said anything. I wanted to scream at him, but at the same time, I wanted to embrace him and let myself give in.

"You care about me?" I scoffed, trying not to laugh. I felt a little bad for almost laughing, but was he being serious? After everything he's put me through, he has the nerve to say he cares about me?

"I know I haven't done the best way of showing it-"

"You think, Negan?" I was pacing around the room, trying to wrap my head around this. "You locked me in my room, you had me believe that I was only still around because of this baby, you made me watch as you held an iron to a man's face, you fucked one of your wives even when you knew I was pregnant, you never even apologized for killing my friends, my family."

"y/n-" He started, but I turned away from him, facing the bookshelf. His hand reached my shoulder and I flinched at his touch, causing him to pull away. This was all too much, I could feel myself starting to get light headed.

I started to fall back, but I caught myself as I grabbed the back of the couch. I leaned against the couch, grabbing my head as I felt the room start to spin.