if i believe you | negan

chapter xx.

NEGAN RUSHED me to Doctor Carson, carrying me through the halls and yelling at anyone in the way. Some of the pain had subsided but there was still a pinch-like pain in my abdomen and I started to feel dizzy.

Negan sat me on the table in Carson's office and called to him. Carson came in, asking what was wrong.

"We think she's in labor." Negan told him, his voice anxious. I felt the pain start to decrease and just found myself uncomfortable and hot.

"How would you rate the pain from one to ten? One being a small pinch and ten being excruciating pain." Carson asked me, feeling my forehead and checking my pulse.

"Six." I told him, sweat dripping down my back causing me to shudder.

"Have you had any water today?"

"Is she having the baby or not?" Negan asked, impatiently, cutting me off before I could answer Doctor Carson.

"It's been awhile since the last contraction and you still have six weeks until your predicted due date. My best guess is this was just a braxton hicks contraction, caused from dehydration." Carson explained, filling a glass of water and handing it to me.

"So I'm not in labor?" I asked, taking a sip of the water, my throat no longer feeling dry. I thought back to my first pregnancy and remembered having these contractions, but never at such an intensity.

"No, you're not." Carson put his hands in his pockets and looked over to Negan. "You're taking a risk still being here so close to the due date. Soon you won't be able to move, y/n and if you're stuck here while those dead ones are roaming around, you're screwed."

I swallowed hard. But where else was there to go? Negan had told me that Rick had infiltrated his other stations and there was nowhere else that had all this medical equipment that I'd need to survive through labor.

Negan took my hand and gave it a small squeeze, like he knew what I was thinking. I hope he had a plan because I sure as hell don't.

~

"What are we going to do, Negan?" I asked him, falling onto the bed as we entered our room. "We're fucked."

Negan hung up his leather jacket and sat on the end of the bed, running his hands down his face. "We aren't fucked. We'll figure it out."

"How?" I scoffed, throwing my hands into the air and letting them fall into my lap. "There are walkers roaming the outside of the building, if they get in within the next week or two and we aren't gone, then we're dead."

Negan sat in silence. He walked towards the window and looked out at the Sanctuary courtyard. I wished we could find a safe way out, or a way to kill all the walkers and still be able to live here. But I knew it was only a pipedream.

"And what about the medical equipment? Negan, I won't survive labor without it." I said, wishing it weren't true. Negan still didn't say a word and I wondered if he was even listening. I knew he was already stressed and I didn't want to put more stress on him but this was worrying me to death.

"I need to talk to Eugene." Negan said, kissing me on the forehead and grabbing his leather jacket and Lucille as he walked out. "I'll be back for dinner."

~

Fast. You have to run fast.

"y/n!"

No, no, no.

Run faster. Don't look back.

I panted as I hid behind a building, hoping that I lost him or he ran into any of the dead. I wanted to cry, I wanted to kill him. But I couldn't manage to look at him after what he did and I was afraid he'd do it to me too.

"y/n!"

I started running again. My legs started to feel weak and I wanted to give up. But I had to keep going, I couldn't let him get me too.

I was tackled to the ground and my head hit the concrete. I tried to kick him off of me, but he straddled my legs and held down my arms. My hands started to shake and I felt tears roll down my cheeks.

"y/n, I had to! I did it to protect us!" He screamed, inches from my face and I turned my head to the side.

"You were supposed to protect her!" I shouted back at him, feeling more tears. "But you did the opposite, you got her killed. You did." I seethed.

"She wasn't meant for this world, y/n. She would've died anyway, you know that." He argued and I felt the anger brew inside me.

"Maybe. But it wasn't your call on when she would. She was our daughter, Ryan. And you let them get to her, you let them tear her apart and you just ran away." I remembered, crying as the memory played over and over in my mind.

Our shouts drew attention from some nearby roamers, but he hadn't heard them. I managed to regain any strength I had left and the roamer grabbed for his arm-

I woke up in a sweat to the sound of automatic gunfire and screaming. I tried to get out of bed to see what was happening when Negan came into our room and told me to stay put.

"What's going on downstairs, Negan?" I asked, starting to get worried. More sweat started to form on my forehead.

"The dead pricks got in. They took the lower level and we're running out of ammo. I had them block the stairways but some of the workers died." Negan said, looking out the window and then back to me. "Are you okay?"

Negan sat down on the bed next to me and rubbed my leg. I nodded and wiped the sweat off of my forehead. "Yeah, just a bad dream."

"Are you sure?" He asked again and I nodded my head, giving him a small smile. I didn't want him to worry about my nightmares when he had more to worry about.

"We need to find a way out of here. Got any ideas, sweetheart?" Negan asked me and I thought it over. I tried to remember some of the things Rick did to get the walkers away and some of the things I did when I was out there.

"You could try using a loud noise as a distraction. But you have to get it far away from here to lead them away. Like a car horn or loud music." I told him, remembering how the truck brought on hundreds of walkers to Alexandria.

Negan chuckled. "I knew there was more to you than just a pretty face." I lightly shoved his shoulder and smiled.

It felt nice to laugh with him, even in a really tough time. The only people that could make me laugh in tough times were my mother and my sister before everything happened. It made me happy that I finally had that again.

"I have to get back, sweetheart. I wish I could stay, but I have to figure out what to do. See if we can put that good idea to use." He said, taking Lucille and kissing me on the forehead before leaving.

I got out of bed and picked a book to read, scared that if I went back to sleep I'd see his face. And I didn't want to. I didn't want to see my husbands face again, even if he got what he deserved when the walkers tore him apart in front of me.