The Worst Year Ever

Call

Wednesday, July 25th, 2012

Call

Skylar didn't show up again yesterday. That's the only thing I'm thinking about right now. That's the only thing I've thought about since I woke up this morning.

I really really hate this. I hate all these questions running through my head. Where has Skylar been? What has she been doing? Surely she couldn't have solved this by herself, right? And she wouldn't have solve this and just disappeared without letting me know, right?

I'm not entirely sure about that actually. I'm not really sure about anything anymore.

I just want to talk to Skylar. I just want to see her. I would be so happy if I could just see her again. I know that she hasn't figured this out. I mean, no offense to Skylar, but she's never been very bright. I love the girl and everything, but I've always been the smart one between us.

My head feels like it's about to explode with how many questions are floating around in it. I just wish I had answers. Lately, with everything that has been going on, it seems like I get more questions than answers with everything. Every time it seems like I have a question answered, I get a million more quesions to think about. I really don't like this because I may have been the smart one between me and Skylar, but I still don't like to think this much.

My head feels like it's about to explode with all the unanswered questions floating in my head. I place my hands on both sides of my head in a desparate and somewhat stupid attempt to keep it all in my head and to keep it all from spilling out of my ears. I wish there was a way to relieve all of this stress and to forget at least for just one day. 

I hop off my bed and stretch. I am sick of just sitting here all the time. Usually I would be hanging out with Elena and Ashley like every day for the summer but it's like they're just throwing their life away because Skylar is gone and can't hang out with us. 

I've just been really bored for the past few weeks. There's nothing to do to get my mind off of things. Before, when there was something on my mind, I would hang out with Skylar or Elena or all three of them and they would distract me and it would really help to forget about everything. Nowadays, however, if I were to go and hang out with Elena and Ashley anyways, they would just make me think about everything even more because they can't seem to forget about anything themselves. They've just making things worse for me these days.

I pick up a large bouncy ball I had on my desk and toss it from hand to hand for a moment. I start tossing it against the wall and then cathing it again. I do that, hoping it would distract me, but it doesn't really. 

Usually the best way to distract me is for me to hang out with people, but that's been hard because every one I know is really despressed and upset and crying all the time and I really don't need to be around that right now. I wish things could be simple again. i wish I could forget things. I wish it could be so easy to just wipe unpleasant things from your memory. It's funny how you tend to forget the things you want to remember but then you remember the things you would rather forget. Why is that? It's a really annoying fact.

This time, the bouncy ball soars right through my hands and hits me square in the forehead. "Ow," I mumble before rubbing the spot where the bouncy ball hit. I'll probably have a bump there later. The bouncy ball rolls under my TV set, and I bend down on my hands and knees to retrieve it. It's dark under the TV stand, so I just try to feel around under there and I come across something smooth. I grab it and slide it out from under the TV stand. It's a picture of Skylar and I on Skylar's first day of High School. We were wearing new school clothes and had our back packs stuffed with out new binders and notebooks and folders. We were also hugging in the picture. I remember losing this picture months ago and I had no idea where it went. At least I found it now. 

I run a couple fingers down Skylar's picture, wishing I could leave the place where I sat and fall into the picture into that place and time. That was a much simpler time. Skylar and I were smiling as the picture was taken and I remember how Mom used to get so obsessed with taking pictures every year we start school. Even when I began the eleventh grade, she made me and Skylar stand for a picture. We both tried to tell her that we were too old for pictures of our first day of school but she insisted and she guilt tripped us by saying that she will cry if she didn't get a picture of us. 

A lone tear escaped from my eye and it fell right on Skylar's face in the picture. I remember these good days all too well. When nothing went wrong... we didn't have any serious problems... when I could hug Skylar freely without my arms going right through her. And then I remember something that Skylar said to me on the day of her funeral. She had told me that if I ever needed her, just to call her and she will always come. My heart starts beating as I remember this. Maybe if I call Skylar right now, she will come. She should, because she definitely told me she would.

I look up at the door to my bedroom, and call out, "Skylar." I wait for a minute and when nothing happens, I say, "Skylar, I need you."

Still, nothing happens. I think to myself that this can't be right. Skylar had promised me that she will always come to me. My eyebrows furrow together as I stand up and I open the door of my bedroom as if Skylar would be standing right outside, but was sorely disappointed yet again. I close the bedroom door and lean my back against it. The disappointment and the sadness seems to spreading all throughout my body, enveloping me and making me feel like I'm in a cage. I can feel it pressing in on my heart, causing more tears to escape from my eyes. They fall down onto the picture I'm still holding up. I don't know how much longer I can take this disapppointment and sadness I feel for my lost sister. I need her back here. She should be here, but either she is in a better place like she should have been a few weeks ago when it first happened or she is choosing to ignore my call.

Skylar, I need you.