The Worst Year Ever

Heightened

Sunday, July 29th, 2012

Week 5

Heightened

Everything feels heightened. My sense of sight; sense of smell; sense of touch; sense of hearing; even my sense of taste.

I know it's been over a week now, but I still expect Skylar to turn up any minute of any day, as crazy as that sounds. I know she's not really hear but I wish she was. I wish she could really be here. 

Today, I feel like I can see for miles. My eyes are suddenly seeing everything; things I didn't see before. I never really noticed how dusty my room was. From the moment I woke up this morning and took a quick glance at my room, I noticed how dirty it was. I got off my bed and I did a quick dust of my room and I vacuumed in here. There was a brief moment when I thought I saw something in my peripheral vision and I quickly spun around to see what it was and there was nothing. If I'm being honest with myself, I thought it was Skylar, but I was obviously sorely disappointed.

I was in Skylar's room earlier because I feel like she might surprise me and show up there, in her own room, instead. I sat on her bed, and waited there for about an hour, and I felt like I could smell everything. Even if it has almost been a month now since the accident, I felt like I could still smell her favorite perfume on her bed sheets. I felt lke I could still smell her favorite shampoo on her pillow from when she would lay down and relax after taking a shower. I picked up one of her favorite shirts and I felt like I could smell her natural scent on it. 

I sat at Skylar's desk, and I looked down at the messy top of it. She had a few notebooks scattered across the top and even a couple papers lying across the desktop that had to do with cheering this fall. She was planning on trying out again for football cheerleading because she did basketball cheerleading last year and she really enjoyed it. I lightly ran my hand across all of the contents very gently, and it felt like I could feel everything. I felt the round corners of her spindly notebooks and then the smooth covers. I felts felt the smooth cheerleading papers and I even gave myself a paper cut on one of them. It stung for a moment and I looked at my finger. There was a small drop of blood there. It fascinated me for some reason. Then, on impulse, I touched my finger to one of Skylar's cheerleading charts that she drew up, telling her when each of the open gyms were. I smeared my finger across the paper, leaving a streak of blood in its wake. My heart, then, suddenly filled with a rage I could barely comprehend and I swiped my hand across the desktop, roughly this time, so that all of the contents fell to the floor. 

I heard something knock on my window and i whipped around so fast that I got a crick in my neck. It was dark out now and I couldn't see anything, so I jumped on my bed to look out the window but I realized that it was just the tree knocking on my window because of the wind. Then, not long after that, I heard some movement through the air but when I turned around to see what it was, I saw a lone piece of paper falling through the air. I didn't think too much of it because it landed right on the floor next to my desk and the window was open, so I assumed that the wind blew into my room, blowing the paper to the ground. At one point, I could have sworn that I heard a creak on the stairs and thinking it was Skylar (even though that's the crazy talking) or Mom, I ran out of my bedroom to check, but when i stairs down the staircase there wasn't a soul or spirit in sight.

I could taste the fear and frustration and desperation in this room. I could feel it through the thin air in my room. Fear; I fear that I will never see Skylar again. She disappeared over a week ago without an explanation. My heart starts pounding at the thought of never being able to see Skylar again, even as a spirit. Frustration; I feel very frustrated at the fact that Skylar disappeared without a single trace. I would like to think that even if she did get done what she had to get done, we would at least be able to say a last goodbye to each other. My head starts pounding because of all the frustration I am holding inside of me. Desperation; I just want to see Skylar just one last time. Just one. That is all I am asking for. That is all I want out of life right now. Just one last goodbye. I can feel my heart sink into my stomache when I feel the desperate side of me take over.

Not only did it feel like all my senses were heightened today, but something else happened too: All the memories of Skylar started to come back slowly. It's like I was taken to another place today; a happier place. I remembered things that I didn't remember before. I remembered the exact name of her perfume that she always wore which I never cared about before. I remembered how she looked all the time: small with piercing blue eyes that could see right through you, and half her dark hair in her face, with that look that if you messed with her, she might kick your ass if you don't kiss hers. I remembered her voice: loud and high-pitched. All day I've been so disappointed that Skylar did not show up again, but even though she wasn't here, it kind of felt like she was.