Just What I Am.

{37}

"Pussy money weed."

"Pussy money weed."

Rakim hummed while squeezing my hand. I smiled and the engine roared louder. I don't know much about cars except for the fact that boys love them. Especially Rakim, he was all about titles, and brands. Especially clothing.

The last night here. Wow. Fucking depressing trip if you ask me. I'm just gonna stop traveling. Maybe I could just move into a huge house and live there with my money and loneliness. We all know Rakim's gonna leave me right when he finds out. Or even better he'll want the baby and it won't be his.

I've been getting really good at hiding it though. for example Rakim would bring me a bottle of vodka, I'd dump it in the sink and fill it with water. Acting drunk is probably one of the most heart breaking things ever. Everyone around you is in this dream or "zone" as Rakim would say. It's not just that they're feeling better than you but it's Rakim the things he says and whispers they give me chills. when I'm drunk I never listen to what he says. Then of course there's the smoking. holy fuck, hardest thing ever.

Q had this idea for us all to have a "nigga we made it feast" which I already know is going to consist of fast food and blunts in the room.

Rakim's POV:

I watched Hannah walk from the door to the couch in a t shirt of mine and no pants with Huf socks on. God damn she's fucking bad. I got up from my chair and stood between her and the tv.

"Hey ma"

She slowly looked up into my eyes, then leaned around me as if the news was more interesting

"well bitch..." I laughed then leaned my face into her neck. she twitched and grabbed onto my shirt. I kept on kissing. I can hear her silent breathes get heavier.

"Rakim!"

I jumped back.

"What?"

"Not right now." she said holding her hand up.

"Whatever." I scoffed walking out to the balcony where Q was smoking.

"So Um damn what was that about?"

"I don't fuckin know man. She randomly gets bitchy all the time." I sighed grabbing the blunt from Q.

He laughed, "is it just me or are her tits gettin bigger and bigger?"

"Ahaha shit man I think so but why the fuck you lookin nigga get ya own!"

"Yo man," his voice goes into a whisper, "when's the last time you seen her smoke?"

I leaned back into my chair and thought about it. I don't even fucking remember the last time she smoked with me. My face went blank, because he was making that fucking thinking face.

"Hannah come here! hurry!" Q shouts into the suite from the slide door.

And within seconds there she is. Q lifts the blunt up and shines it close to her chest like it's a trophy. She sighs and pushes his arm away.

"Did you actually need something or are you just being dicks?" she said coldly.

Q shook his head. She went to leave but I pulled her arm back.

"Rakim..."

Her eyes look right into mine. All I see is guilt. And I know what guilt looks like in eyes because I've seen it all my life. I'm holding both of her wrists now just starring. she stopped squirming after a minute. but she began to cry. Then I took a deep breath and finally spoke.

"Please Hannah, please just tell me whatever it is."

She flinched back started to pull again, "Rakim stop!"

She got out of my hold but fell on her ass. I watched her grab her stomach then jump up.

I looked up at Q. his mouth was open along with mine.

I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of candy vodka. I'm not thinking this through, because I'm scared to. the anger is taking over instead of sincerity.

I walked into her laying on the bed just starring at the wall.

"Sit up."

She looked at me for a second then continued with the wall.

"Hannah! sit the fuck up!"

She stayed motionless. I cant fucking take it.

I ran up to the bed and lifted her up myself. Her eyes watered when I lifted up the brand new bottle. I opened the lid.

"Drink it."

Sobbing gradually started.

She bent down and sniffed the top. She sat back up with her eyes squeezed shut.

"Drink it!"

She pushed the bottle away, and I brought it closer to her face.

" I can't!"

Hannah's POV:

Oh my god.

Rakim dropped the bottle then locked himself in the bathroom. I starred at the liquor slowly pour out of the bottle. The tears finally stopped. Rakim mumbled and cussed and slammed thing in the bathroom. I don't know if he's freaking out because I'm pregnant or if he's freaking out because he still doesn't know what happened that night with Chris.

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