Just What I Am.

{38}

Hannah's POV:

There's a difference between being alone and lonely. When you're alone you can escape the world around you. Take drugs, drink, or my favorite just go to sleep. When you're lonely, you're in a dark dark place. You crave the human touch. Not even drugs can help cure loneliness.

All though I love sleep so much I haven't had much in months. My doctor even prescribed x to force me to sleep but the nightmares would start again. I'd wake up shaking with cold sweats thinking about it.

So I lay here and press my hand into my flat, shapeless stomach.

Rakim's POV:

I sent Hannah at least 200 texts and voicemails. I can't believe she could just leave me like that. it's been hard for me too and I am struggling more than ever to understand what's going on with her.

3 months in, the baby died in her stomach. We were engaged, we even bought a new house in a nice area away from the shit we were in. Everything was getting so good there was so much hope.

I've been keeping track of her over an app that i put on both of our phones so I always know where she's at. That might sound sketchy but it's all I have she's gone and won't answer me.

Hannah's POV:

Rakim's been living in this house we bought about 30 minutes out from town. It's beautiful, it truly is, but I just couldn't live there and see that little colorful room with a little white crib, for the baby I don't have, to sleep in. I can't see Rakim either oh god no. Every time I look into his eyes it brings me into tears because he's the first person I looked at when it went wrong.

Today, unlike most days I decide to get out of bed. I put makeup on, a tank, with high waisted shorts that match my vans perfectly. I'm not a pussy. I'm done sitting around feeling bad for myself.

I light my cigarette and step out of the door, to make my way to the car. it's cold as fuck outside. I get my keys out and shiver to the door.

"Hannah."

The soft, deep, hushed voice causes me to bite my lip.

"Rakim." I look to the right and he's there. He's actually there. I try so hard to act normal, but it bursts out of me.

"Oh Rakim!" I cry and wrap around him.

Rakim's POV:

She sinks into me and sobs. Holy fuck.

"Baby I know. I know."

Over an hour goes by we sit in her car and smoke, talking about a bunch of dumb shit like we normally would.

"You're literally like my best friend" she said smiling and blowing smoke out her little pierced nose.

"I know you didn't just try to friend zone me Hannah."

"Of course not Rakim. You're too hot to friend zone."