Just What I Am.

{20}

Hannah's POV:

Kiaura is such a pussy. She ended up leaving to stay with Nicole for the night. Q and Ferg never really acted like they wanted either Nicole or Kiaura. That's one of the reasons I was scared to become a thing with Rakim.

They were really only here for when those niggas got horny and didn't already have a bitch to fuck.

They never came out of their rooms, unless there was food or if Rakim called for them.

So, all I can remember from the "stab" I guess.. Is Nicole telling me she and Rakim had hooked up multiple times. That's when I got pissed and said "it must feel great to be a second choice."

Cause there ain't no way in hell he had sex with her more than once. And he'd only fuck her, if there were no more bitches left to fuck. So she was probably about a nineteenth choice. I know Rakim.

I was sitting on the kitchen counter, eating chips when Yams walked in.

"Sup girl? Word on the streets is yo brothas in town." He said calmly, causing my jaw to drop.

"Hell no. He hasn't came around here since my seventeenth birthday." I said trying to end the conversation with him.

"Nah. I hear he's starting up a business again."

Holy fuck. Not again. I know exactly why he came here. He's gonna ask me to work for him and offer me way more money than I'm making here with Rakim.

And just like Yams said, he is in town. Rakim and I went out to the dog track to ring in some money.

We were finishing up a game of blackjack when my brother Alex came in.

"Hey! Hannah when did you start gambling?" Oh god. Why does he have to talk to us? Maybe if I'm a bitch the whole time he talks he'll just leave us alone.

"Yea, well you don't know much about someone when you miss a couple years of their life. Do you?" I bitched as, he hugged me.

Rakim just stood behind me the whole time. I hope they've never met before, otherwise things are about to get really awkward. Alex moved me to the side, and him and Rakim did that weird ass thug handshake.

"So where'd you meet my sister?" Alex said looking Rakim in the eyes for a moment, before grabbing a beer off the waitress's tray that was walking by.

"Um.. She was-" I cut him off before he could finish. I can't risk Alex knowing I'm in the drug business, he'll be pissed.

"He saw me at a party. We liked each other, and now we're together." I explained grabbing Rakim's hand, and swinging it like a little kid. Alex's eyebrows rose.

"Nah... Holy fuck! You have a boyfriend? Betta pull out the old cigars. Cause we all know how this'll turn out." He said laughing and hitting me in the arm with his fist. Asshole.

Rakim laughed. "Nah man. I'm not like that. She ain't gonna get hurt with me."

"I hope not. Im always the one that has to pick her back up. Anyways I gotta get somewhere, but we should really do something. Ya know all of us could go out together." Alex said. He's so fucking obnoxious. I don't know how he used to be my best friend.

Rakim nodded and shook his hand again.

"Let's get out of here." I pulled Rakim outside.

We walked down the sidewalk smoking blunts.

"What was that about?" He asked.

"I told you. I've never been good at relationships. I'm a good girlfriend, I either don't pay enough attention or I'm too wild for them." He laughed at my answer, "My brothers always been my backbone."

"Mine was too, but as you can see I don't have him anymore."

"I'm sorry."

"It's cool. You didn't murder him."

"So I gotta question for you," he nodded, "Did you ever hook up with Nicole?"

"Hell no. She gave me a lap dance once but I was so faded, I didn't even know who she was at the time."

"Good cause that shit was slowly getting to my head."

He laughed "Jealous much?" I laughed as he got ahold of my waist.

"Yea not really....i think that would be Nicole. The crazy one..."

We both busted out laughing, and talked all night. Eventually, we got home. I was so fucking tired, and so was Rakim. We went straight to bed.

Once we got the covers on, I rolled over to face the wall. His chest was against my back, and my butt was against his crotch.

I couldn't help but to whisper, "Rakim?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you mean it when you said you weren't going to hurt me?"

"I would never hurt you on purpose Hannah. And if I do, knee me as hard as you fucking can in my nuts."

"Promise."

"I promise."

I'm so scared now. That wasn't really a straight up yes. That was a "I don't know if I can control myself, but if I break your heart like all those other niggas, beat me up."

I'm so scared of that.

Starting to overwhelm myself with thoughts I got up from the bed. Went to the bathroom and washed my face. Then I felt Rakim rub against me, as he tried to get the toilet to piss.

By the time he was done I started to sob.

"What's wrong baby?" His voice was stuffy.

"Rakim... When's the next trip?"

"The day after tomorrow. Why?"

"No reason. I'm ready, I'm just ready."

He nodded grabbing my hand and pulling me back to the bed.

"Me too."

"You think Kiaura will come?"

He was already out before he could answer. At this point I don't care if she does or not. I mean, why the fuck she mad at me for getting stabbed with a pocket knife in my arm. Sorry you best friend left because her crazy ass couldn't take it.

Kiaura probably won't stay away for long. She already told me she don't wanna go back to stripping, and that this life was paradise.

And as for Nicole.... Rakim said if she came back he'd kill her himself.