TORN//Derek Luh

Chapter 7

The next morning I wake up to the sound of my music playing. I turn it off and see that I have a text from Derek. 

Babyboy- Skate and I are at the studio. Breakfast is in the fridge. Hope you are feeling okay. Love you kid.

Nivea-Love you too thanks babyboy. 

I grab my guitar and walk out to the balcony where I was last night. I decide that I am going to sing something because well why the hell not. 

My eyes roll back the ceiling fades
I breathe you in
Exalt your flames
Let's lose our minds, come here to me
We're wasting time
Darling, can you hear me?Heroine, my sweetest sin
I can't seem to get enough
Pull me under, wake me up
Feel the rush
Morphine lover make me numb
Make it so I can't get up
Paper-thin till you sink in
Could you be my heroine?Do you feel exposed?
Let your feelings show
Can I taste you? Can I replace you?
I need to know
Let's lose our minds
Please stay with me
We're wasting, yeah, we're wasting time
Why don't you believe me?Heroine, my sweetest sin
I can't seem to get enough
Pull me under, wake me up
Feel the rush
Morphine lover make me numb
Make it so I can't get up
Paper-thin till you sink in
Could you be my heroine?It starts with the spins
Yeah, you got me swimming
And I've fallen to pieces, now I won't be whole
Until you let me in
Until you let me in
Until you let me in
Until you let me in, ohHeroine, my sweetest sin
I can't seem to get enough
Pull me under, wake me up
Feel the rush
Morphine lover make me numb
Make it so I can't get up
Paper-thin till you sink in
Could you be my heroine?My heroine, my heroine
Could you be my heroine

When I am done singing my song I hear clapping from behind me. I turn around to see Jack, JJ, Taylor, Derek, Skate, Ana, LeLe, Stassie, Sammy, Amanda, and Madison. Stassie is Sammy's girl Madison is Jacks and Amanda is Taylor's. 

I blush as I push through them. I quickly disappear to my room. My heart hurts. Seeing them together makes me seethe. I hate that I feel this way. I don't want to be in love with Derek. I don't want to hurt like this.

I don't want to be jealous over stupid petty shit. I am slowly slipping into the darkness that almost took me from them 3 years ago. The darkness that I became friends with because I was afraid to ask for help. 

I step into my bathroom. I grab my jewelry box then open the secret compartment where I hide my silver friends.

I turn on my iHome and blast another song.

Left Alone-By Sleeping With Sirens

I take the blade across my wrist. I slice a few times screaming but the music is blocking it out. 

Too much has been boiling up. 

The drama at work where people are calling me worthless, ugly, a whore, a slut, bitch. I cut for every word I have ever been called. 

Slut

Hoe

Whore

Bitch

Cunt

Fat

Ugly

Worthless

I have hit my breaking point. My mom and dad are gone because of me. Derek has a girlfriend, I clearly am not worthy of having a boyfriend because they just cheat on me anyways. 

I'm not perfect nobody is, but this shit is just bottling up. 

I'm tired of everything. I don't want to live this way anymore.