TORN//Derek Luh

Chapter 6

After I had finally convinced Skate that I am okay, I get out of the car then walk to the water. I strip down to my swimming suit and walk into the warm salty water instantly relaxing. 

I feel tears running down my cheeks, as I slowly become comfortable. I'm still hurting over Colby. He was my distraction for the past year. My distraction to deny my feelings for Derek.

My heart feels like it's been ripped in two. I loved or thought I loved Colby, I'm jealous that and Derek has a girlfriend who happens to be my friend and coworker.

I envy Lele because she gets to see parts of Derek I don't. (Not just sexually) 

I then hear Skate behind me walking into the water. 

I quickly dunk under the water so that he doesn't notice I have been crying. I don't want him to get suspicious. 

"Beautiful isn't it?" Skate asks. 

"The beach is always beautiful. This is where I feel at peace when I am stressed out. I'm always at peace here. Forever will be. I want to be cremated and I want my ashes to be spread here." I say looking at Skate. 

"You've always loved the beach."

"Yes. It's the perfect escape from reality for me because I don't smoke at all and I don't drink often. I would rather be sober and drown my sorrows in the salt."

"We've been here for a few hours we should get home." Skate suggests. 

"Yeah, okay let's go."

Skate drives us home because I am too tired.

Skate unlocks the door as I follow him inside. Derek is sitting in the kitchen with a bottle of beer. Skate walks upstairs quietly. 

"Hey baby boy what's wrong?" I ask. His head shoots up to look at me. 

"Babygirl you're home. I'm so sorry that I made you leave. I didn't mean to make you mad. Please don't be mad at me I wasn't thi-" 

"Derek shut up. It's okay. I needed to get away anyways. I'm not mad. You shouldn't have to put your sex life on hold because I don't like hearing people have sex. Maybe, it's the virgin side of me, who knows, but next time you could warn me. I'll either leave before hand or just you know blast music or something." I say. 

His eyes look at me softly. Those eyes. 

Stop it Vea. Stop falling for him. He is taken.

Derek tightly hugs me. "You should get some sleep babygirl." He says. 

"Wait, Derek. Do you feel like I have been distant lately?"

"Yeah. Why?" 

"Skate mentioned something earlier to me." I say. 

"Are you doing okay?" 

"Yeah. Just work stuff. I'm fine." I smile. 

"Okay whatever you say. But this is not the Nivea I know. We will talk later. I love you. Goodnight." He says. 

"I love you too. Goodnight." I reply. He disappears to his room. I go to the fridge and grab out a beer. I walk out to the balcony.

I look up to the sky at the stars. 

"I miss you mom. I really wish you were here right now. I'm having a lot of stuff going on. Things that I can't tell Derek and Skate because it would only cause problems. It would be awkward too. I fell in love with Derek mom because he takes care of me in a way I have never seen.  Derek's eyes, his smile, his personality, just him. 

 Derek's loyal. Cons are Derek's a rapper who goes on tour. THe could easily sleep with another girl without thinking twice about it. I fell for him 2 years ago, but I met this guy named Colby. We talked for about a year. He was my distraction from my feelings towards him. I know the boys miss you alot too. You loved them. You always had a huge soft spot for Derek like I do, but I'm afraid Derek will hurt me like Colby did a couple weeks ago.

He has a girlfriend now. A girl that I am really close with. She's this perfect girl with a model ready body. I mean I am a model too, but she has perkier boobs and ass than me. She is the type of girls that Derek prefers over some potato looking freak like me. 

To see him happy makes me happy, but I envy Lele. I envy the fact that she gets to see sides of the him I will never see. I mean he wouldn't ever see me the same way I see him. I shouldn't even have fallen for him but he made it so hard. God fucking dammit mom I love him. I really think that Derek is the love of my life that I will never have mama. 

Well it felt amazing to get this off my chest to someone who won't open their mouth to anybody. I love and miss you mom, I really hope you and dad are having fun up there. Give him love for me." I say tears rolling down my face heavily now. 

I throw my beer bottle away and walk up to my room where I drown in my music.