Heaven or Hell?

Chapter two:

Just look away. That is the only thing that I silently repeat to myself. Just don't look at his eyes and walk away. Sounds easy right? Actually a hell of a lot harder than it sounds. You see Leo's eyes use to be like a drug to me, just one gaze at them and you were hooked. But the last time I saw them also happened to be the day that I found out I was pregnant with his child.

"Hi Zoey" He says nervously as he rubs the back of his neck.

But I remain silent. A year and six months he has been gone and he thinks that he can just waltz back into my life, like he has never left.

"Leo, perhaps now isn't a good time" Becky says attempting to come to my rescue.

"At least let me explain my disappearance to her" Leo answers, yet his eyes remained locked on my gaze.

"Not now!" Becky says and that is the last thing I hear before she grabs my arm and drags me down the corridor away from him. But more importantly away from his knee collapsing gaze. Why did he come back? What have I done to deserve this? Have I seriously sinned that bad to deserve the father of my dead child's return?!

"You okay?" Becky questions once we are out of everyone's presence.

Am I okay? Is that a trick question. How would She feel if lost her innocence to what was or still is the love of her life an it resulted in a baby. But not any ordinary baby. A dead one. A baby that she had to carry for seven months in pure secrecy, only to go into early labour and lose the only thing that would of reminded her of her child hood love. So the answer to her question is no.

I am not okay, I am far from okay. Yet, despite all these thoughts swirling around inside of my head. All I manage is a shake of my head a a response.

"Listen Zoey, perhaps you should tell him?" Becky suggests with a raised eyebrow. But her suggestion only makes me panic more.

"NO! That is out of the question" I immediately answer whilst pacing back an fourth.

"Zoey, it was his child too" she reasons, but what difference does that make. He didn't even know that I was pregnant so finding out that I was ain't exactly going to do anything.

"I said no Becky! He is not going to find out about it, end of discussion!" I snap only to earn a frustrate sigh from my best friend.

"You can't run away from him forever you know" she says in a more softer tone than the one she was previously using. But now it is my turn to sigh.

"I know I can't but I will keep running away from him whilst I still can" I answer before walking off towards the emergency exit.

"Where are you going?" I hear Becky shout from the distance.

"The grave" I shout back before I am completely out of ear shot.

The feeling of déjà vu washes over me as I numbly walk through the rows of headstones. Each one stating a beloved family name. Many decorated with flowers that glisten in the rain that falls. The perfect weather for the most horrifying haunting day.

I carry on walking absently minded until I reach the headstone that I visit at least once a week. Liam Taylor, my son. He was the exact replica of his father. He had the deep green eyes, the perfect button nose. Even the defined lips, and if his personality would of been like his father's. Those lips would of sure made a girl happy one day, or boy whatever he was Gay, straight or even bisexual I would of supported him no matter what the consequence would of been. The only feature that he did have from me was his hair, a dark blonde yet light brown colour. He would of been a walking player. Just like his father, but I would of made sure he would treat all people equally. He would of been a true gentleman. Unfortunately, his life was taken too soon. I still have nightmares from the day I went into labour.

It was a rainy day just like today. Myself and Becky were walking around town to buy bigger clothes to hide my baby bump. When out of the blue a striking pain crossed through my stomach. It was a pain I had never experienced before and before I knew it I was lying on a hospital bed giving birth to my baby. However, unlike a normal birth, when my son was led on my chest he was already a goner. And that was the first and last time that I ever held my baby.

"Zoey? What's wrong" a voice asks from behind me. A voice that can only belong to Leo.

"Nothing" I bluntly answer as I wipe away the tears that are freely falling down my cheeks. "Why are you here anyway?" I snap as I realise that we are in a cemetery during school hours.

"Becky told me that you wanted me to meet you here" he replies casually with his hands in his pockets. But the only thing I register is that Becky told him. I told her I didn't want him to know. What right does he have to know? Yeah he is Liam's father but he left us both. So what right does he hold? None.

"Well you can go back to school or better yet to wherever you disappeared to!" I snap as I guard my baby's grave from his eyes.

"Zoey, I didn't want to leave but I had no choice" he reasons back, but as he speaks he moves his hands to my face. So that his hands cup my cheeks, similar to the way that he held my face the first time that we kissed. My first kiss.

"Then why did you?" I ask as tears escape my eyes, which he swiftly rubs away with his thumb.

"I can't tell you" he says with a hint of regret in his tone, but it is that exact tone that makes me collapse into his arms. That exact tone that allows me to surrender to his charming ways as I allow myself to be help upright in his arms.

"Zoey?" He questions as I dampen his t-shirt even more than the rain already is.

"Yeah?" I manage to say through my sobs.

"Who is Liam Taylor?" He asks as he places his face in the crook of my neck. But it is those words that bring me back to reality. Those words that give me back the strength to push Leo away from me. Those words that have me walking away from Leo leaving him standing bewildered in the cemetery whilst I walk away and return back to school.