realities of a broken soul | poetry

part ten

3:04am
i was happy you were awake. i really was. i couldn't sleep, and i thought messaging you would be a long shot. but you replied instantly. you're the only one who understands me anymore. you're the only person i would give 100% for anymore. the rest of the world gets me down, but you lift me up. your voice is a blessing from heaven. hearing it is like the angels are trying to reach out to me; "hold on. you can fight this." you're the reason i'm still pushing through. it's times like this that i miss you the most. times when i'm laying in bed, wondering why the hell i'm still here, why i'm still doing to myself.

then i see your eyes. they're a distant memory, but they're there. beautiful, bright, green. full of a light i've never seen before. full of a passion for living that makes my own radiate, as if i too have a wish to live a life worth knowing. i remember your scent, the way your arms felt wrapped around me, enclosing me in an isolation i've never felt before. only this isolation wasn't lonely. this isolation is in a field, with butterflies and daffodils. the sun shines bright and you and i lay there, completely encompassed in the fact that we are strong. together, we matter. and it's not that you didn't matter before. you did. i didn't.

and i remember the way your lips tasted pressed against mine, a welcome escape. it's as if the whole world went silent, just for us, and just then, as your taste infused mine, i was peaceful, and nothing hurt.

i remember your taste now, as i imagine your lips against mine once more. it is something worth missing. it was something well worth having, even for a little while, as i did.

the memories of you, although short, simple, a sweet escape from the tragedy, flood my mind. it is then that i can breathe again, it is then that i wish to keep breathing, as long as i still have your memory.

you stopped messaging me right then. right as i started to hope. just as the air flooded into my lungs, it was ever so violently ripped out, just as it was when you left. it is now, that i cannot breathe. it is now, that i do not want to keep breathing.