realities of a broken soul | poetry

part thirty-one

attachment.
i don't think you ever really know what it's like to be attached to someone until just the thought of not being in their presence drives you to tears.
when you get so used to sleeping in someone's arms that you become physically incapable of sleeping on your own. and if you do get lucky enough to drift off, you find yourself awaking every hour in tears because all you can think about is the empty space in your bed. nothing can replace them beside you.
separation.
that horrible feeling you get at the thought of not being in someone's arms. when your anxiety gets so bad that you cannot breathe without then next to you. even mundane tasks become impossible because you feel like you're missing the bigger part of yourself when you're not with them. you start to fade.
the empty feeling in your stomach when you realize you haven't eaten in two days because your stomach drops when you're not with them. you can't stop feeling sick.
heartache.
no one understands. no one understands why you can't eat when you're away from them. no one understands why you're always so tired after you've had to spend the night alone.
and people say that you should start seeing each other less. learn to live on your own again. but it's not that simple. when the feel of their kiss is left stained on your lips, it's not so easy to let that go. distance will not aide anyone any. it will only cause you both more anguish and problems.
oh how you wish others would leave you be.
love.
that's what all of this boils down to.
the attachment, separation anxiety, heartache. it all exists because your love exists. you'll only become more attached to them. every night spent together will only make it harder the next time you need to spend a night apart.
the separation. sometimes you'll go a day or more without eating anything more than crackers because it's all you can manage to keep down. your sadness causes your stomach to sink. you'll both have a three-course meal the next time you're together. and it'll be okay.
the heartache. it'll be impossible for everyone to ever understand what you go through without them. not everyone experiences that type of love. you can't expect everyone to know exactly how you feel.
the love you guys have when you're together will always top the struggles you guys face when you're apart. nothing compares to the immense joy you both feel when you're finally able to hold them in your arms again. it makes all your struggles worthwhile.
–12:30pm