realities of a broken soul | poetry

part twenty-five

3:16am
if i like you, i'll probably come acrossed as shy and quiet. i promise i'm not. hang out with me. initiate conversations, over text and in person. help me out in getting to know you, because i want to know you. if i come acrossed as disinterested or bitchy, i promise, that's not my intention. i want to talk to you, i want to hangout, just you and me. you ask me why i don't talk to you wthen we do hangout, but i promise, i'm trying. and i feel like i rarely text you, because every time you ignore me, i feel like that's you telling me that you don't like me. i feel clingy and annoying. i get overly attached way too easily, and i'm sorry. i really want us to be something. i just don't know how to start. i'm sorry i'm not as good at flirting as some girls. again, it's just me being nervous. my friends who know you tell me that you'll flirt with me in person, because you don't flirt back when i do over text. although in person, you barely even talk to me. you barely even look at me. and i suppose that's partially my fault, for coming acrossed as so distant and closed off. i tend to make things up unintentionally, and then convince myself that they're reality. i can't help that i do that. then, when something small happens, i get jealous and overthink it, because it goes against or threatens the reality that i've forced myself to believe is true. i like to think that you don't flirt with me because you're genuinely interested in me, and you're not going to treat me like you treat every other girl you know. but i know that's not the case though. that's just something else i made up, trying to convince myself that i'm better off than i actually am. in reality, i know that you probably don't flirt with me like you flirt with every other girl because you know that i like you, and you don't want to get my hopes up because you don't like me back. it sucks, honestly. maybe this is why i make up my own realities. because this real one? fucking sucks.