i lay awake,
tired,
but unable to rest.
i feel ready
to fall asleep,
yet i won't let myself
close my eyes
for any more than a second.
the flashbacks
are just like
a nightmare
that just
woke you up
when you wake up
from a nightmare
you lay there
afraid to close your eyes
because you know
the nightmare will return
as soon
as you allow yourself
to drift off
again
you see
flashbacks of assaults
are just like that –
you lay awake
in the darkest of times
tired and ready to sleep
yet unwilling to
because every time
your eyes shut
you see yourself
as you were
in that moment.
the only difference
between nightmares
and flashbacks
are that you know
the next day
when you try to sleep
the nightmare will not return
and you will not be afraid
to fall asleep again
only with flashback
they come randomly
they can happen at any time
days or
weeks
months
or years
after the moment
it is something
that permanently scars
you may think
you have become stronger
but anything
even nothing
can bring on the flashbacks
and then
you realize
this is just like a nightmare –
only your nightmare
is your reality.
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realities of a broken soul | poetry
PoetryA collection of my private, most cherished poems. authors note: certain poems talk in relation to self harm or depression, including mentions of suicide. such poems are marked with an "(x)" in the chapter title.
