i don't know
how many times
i'll have to apologize
to others
before i finally
begin to
forgive myself,
as i am apologizing for
something that i
cannot help.
but i am trying.
to you,
i'm sorry i'm such a mess all the time.
to you,
i'm sorry you have to put up with me.
to you,
i'm sorry that i'm struggling,
and that you're the one who's left
to pick up all of my
broken shards.
i'm sorry i'm a wreck,
falling apart at the slightest change in tone,
the difference of your stance.
i'm sorry i overthink everything i see,
i'm sorry i question your motives
i'm sorry
and i don't know why i'm sorry.
i'm sorry to myself
for something i should not be sorry for.
i'm sorry i have a mental illness.
i know it seems like
i'm getting worse
going on a downwards spiral
that has no chance in coming back up.
but i promise you
i'm trying as best as i can
to keep my pieces in place
so that you don't have to
work any harder to
keep me sane.
i'm sorry you're the one who loves me enough to have to deal with me.
i guess i shouldn't be apologizing
to you
for being in love with me
i'm so thankful
that you're in love with me
maybe i just think
that i'm so broken down
even your love
can't fix me.
and your love
deserves to be spent
on someone who can
always appreciate it.
i'm sorry that's not me.
–i'm sorry, and i shouldn't be.
YOU ARE READING
realities of a broken soul | poetry
PoetryA collection of my private, most cherished poems. authors note: certain poems talk in relation to self harm or depression, including mentions of suicide. such poems are marked with an "(x)" in the chapter title.
