the first time i did coke
the first time I did coke, I did it because I thought I needed to.
my idea of happiness had been sliced so thin that I thought there was no real was to feel happy.
it had been so long since I had seen anyone genuinely happy that I thought the only way to feel happy anymore was to have your brains chemical balance fucked with via the use and repeated overuse of illegal drugs.
I had so many friends on coke benders for a week or two straight that I thought
this is it,
this must be the answer.
I thought the key to happiness was an artificial key that would crumble, and when it crumbled, it fell hard.
it got me so down that I thought I needed it to ever feel okay again.
I had been so tired of being numb that I just needed to feel something, even if that something was a temporary high that would hurt my conscience on the come down.
you know, you know so many people who do it that you think it must be the only way to fix yourself. but no one ever fixed a broken glass by throwing it at a wall.
tearing yourself down is not the way back up.
the first time I did coke was a mistake that I learned from, a mistake that bettered me and made me stronger.
the first time I did coke was also the last time.
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realities of a broken soul | poetry
PuisiA collection of my private, most cherished poems. authors note: certain poems talk in relation to self harm or depression, including mentions of suicide. such poems are marked with an "(x)" in the chapter title.
