realities of a broken soul | poetry

part fifty-six

i think every time we broke up
i was still stable inside
because a part of me knew that you would come back
and you always reassured me that you loved me.

now, something broke
7 months ago today you told me
that i made you the happiest guy in the world
because when you asked me out the very first time
i said yes.
today, 7 months after my life changed,
it's changing again.

there was no reassurance
for once i wished i was right
for once the answer to a question that i had conjured up in my head
was better than the answer you actually gave me.

sometimes you stop saying I love you.
but whenever i'd ask you just say you've been sad and just didn't say it
but you reassured me that you did love me
and that you always would.

i assumed that's what happened this time
you've been off and haven't been saying it
but i told myself you still loved me
like you always had.
that's not the answer you had though
you said you didn't know who you loved 'cause you don't even love yourself

well darling i don't love myself either
but you loved me
and i love you
and we balanced each other out
the perfect fit

now you don't love me
all the love i should have for myself
i saved for you
so now no one loves me
but i love you enough
for the both of us.

—my first mistake was not loving myself.