Harry Potter Headcanons and Ships

You Can Count On It -//- Deamus

I don't have a beginning for this. I just don't. So the beginning is them arguing. Please beware of the feels coming from this story. It's my favorite Deamus story I have.

"I don't see why this is such a big deal to you! It's not like I'm a different person, Dean!" Seamus shouted, sparks flying from his wand in his hand, never a good sign. Dean, who had been sitting, head and hands, tore his head up, and tried - Merlin did he try - to stop the words he wanted to say from being said.

It's a big deal because it was one thing to be in love with you when I thought you were straight, because I knew I had no chance! But now I know that you're gay and you still don't want to be with me, Shay." Dean's voice breaks, and he wanted to cry so hard he broke in half. "And that kills me okay?" He says, through blur of tears. The only thing he saw was Seamus' horrified face. So he did the only thing that made sense right then. He grabbed his coat and apparates out of their flat.
He went to his favorite park where he went as a kid. He and his sisters and brother used to love to climb the huge tree that he sits under now. He never told anyone about it. It's always been his safe place, that he went when he was feeling particularly awful. But, even though he knew nothing about this place, or what it meant to Dean, Seamus found him. That was the magic in their friendship. Not the fires Seamus seemed to set using nothing, not the spells Dean learned to stop the fires. Not the actual magic in general. It was the fact that Seamus had always been able to find him, even when the last person on Earth he ever wanted to see again was Seamus Finnegan.
When Seamus found him, Dean wasn't even crying. There was no room left inside him for tears like the tears he wanted to cry. He just sat under the tree, staring at the moon wondering why he had to be in love with his best friend. He didn't even bother looking over when he heard footsteps. He knew he'd find him. Seamus sighed and sat down next to Dean.
"So, you fancy me, huh?" he asks, trying in a way to lighten the mood. Dean just nodded, keeping his eyes straight ahead. Focused on the moon. The moon as bright as Seamus' eyes when he laughed - no. Don't think about that. Dean was trying - and slowly failing - to keep everything inside. Like he always did.
"Oh, Dean, why the hell didn't you say anything?" Seamus asks. Dean takes a deep breath.
"Because it wouldn't change anything. I'd still love you and I'd still want to be your friend. The only thing I'd be risking saying anything is the second part." Dean said, emotionlessly. He was too empty for emotions right now. But he finally risked a glace over to Seamus. He was looking at his hands, and it was too dark to see what his face was doing.
"I just.... I can't stand myself right now, Dean." Seamus whispered, and Dean reached out and put a hand on the back of Seamus' neck before realizing it may be off limits right now. But he didn't move his hand, and neither did Seamus.
"It's not your doing, mate. It happened so long ago, I don't even remember when I realized it." Dean says. That was a lie. He remembered looking over at Seamus after he'd set one of the tapestries on Ron's bed on fire in their sixth year - which Ron never noticed, by the way. He'd looked so shocked, like him setting things on fire wasn't something that occurred once a week or so, and he tried to put the fire out with the same panicked face.
"God damn it, Dean! Stop laughing, would you? We need to stop this fire!" he remembers Seamus saying. And right then, right there, with Seamus glaring at him, soot in his hair and creased between his eyebrows, Dean had realized he loved Seamus in a whole different way than he'd meant to.
"That's not it." Seamus rubbed a hand over his face, the same way he had when he'd first come out to Dean just an hour or so earlier, like he was about to absolutely ruin their friendship, and he would hate himself for it as soon as he had done it, but he couldn't lie anymore. "I've caused you an absolutely unbelievable amount of pain and I could have stopped it years ago." and as Seamus said that, Dean squashed the flutter of hope that was waking inside him. He gritted his teeth together. They say for a while.
"You remember fourth year?" Seamus started, and Dean bit back a sarcastic answer. "Well, you remember during the Yule Ball, after Lavender ditched me for Ramel, or Rowley, or whatever that idiots name was, and that Beaubatons lass, Adelie or Adeline, ditched you?" he asked. Dean nodded. And he knew what Seamus was going to bring up next. They had met back up at the punch bowl and groaned about how their dates had such high standards. When Seamus spoke again, Dean almost lost everything he was holding in. "Remember when I asked you to dance as a joke?"
Dean remembered that very clearly. Yes, and remember how I couldn't say no? Dean almost said. Seamus' hands had become white knuckled fists clenched on his knees, and in the dim light, Dean could see he was white as a ghost.
"It wasn't a joke." Seamus continued, in the same raspy whisper. "After the ball, I realized that I was thinking like you were my date, not Lavender. And, I just.... I freaked out, mate. I told you I got the family owl confiscated because somehow, I almost set it on fire trying to send you a letter, and that was why I didn't return your letters over the holidays, but I also didn't respond using your owl because I couldn't think of anything that I couldn't say that didn't end with 'and by the way, I think I'm in love with you, want to go to Hogsmeade on Valentines Day?' And it scared me out of my mind, Dean. It scared me how much I wanted to out on an honest to Merlin date, and hold you hand, and get through the damn war right by your side, and when you were gone-" Dean realized that Seamus was crying now, just the memory, but he couldn't move, except to pull Seamus closer to him. "When you went on the run during that god-awful seventh year, I couldn't sleep without listening to Fred and George's show first, praying as hard as I could that I would never hear your name again if it just meant you lived. That you survived, even if it meant it was a life without me in it." Seamus finished, tears still steadily streaming down his face.
"Shay-" Dean said, crying now, too, but not entirely sadly. If Seamus meant what he was saying, then he'd loved Dean just as long as Dean loved him. Longer, maybe.
"And god, I wanted to stop the whole god damn war when I saw you again. I wanted to tell the lot of them to go to hell so I could hold onto you, and I was going to tell you, but I wanted to tell you alone, and then I kept putting it off, because I'm a complete coward at heart, Dean Thomas, but I love you with all of it." Seamus says, finally stopping the flow of tears. Dean stared straight into Seamus' eyes, and he could see every last bit of truth in his story, and it was enough to make him smile, wider than he had when Seamus had told him he loved him.
"Merlin, you're dramatic." Dean said, his voice shaking, and he kissed Seamus, just like he'd wanted to for years.
"At least I haven't set the bench on fire." Seamus muttered when Dean pulled away. He wouldn't meet Dean's eyes, and it hit Dean that he was embarrassed.
"Even if you did, I'd love you anyway." Dean says, and Seamus finally dragged his eyes up to meet Dean's.
"You know, I could listen to you say that forever." Seamus said, and Dean watched as it hit him. Everything was out in the open now, and Dean loved him, too. He beamed through the remnants of tears, and pulled Dean down for another kiss. Dean smiled as they pulled away, wrapping an arm around Seamus, and they leaned against the tree. 
"You can absolutely count on that." Dean promises, and they kiss again.