Compilation

Confession of a psycho

Have you ever felt pain and then nothing? Have you ever questioned life and your ultimate purpose? How do people handle the fact of being alone?

   I remember this one time I had a fight with a very important person in my life. Or so I thought. I felt all types of things at first. I felt impotence, I felt hate and I felt disappointment. I felt disappointed with myself for believing that the second time around promised to be different for the both of us and it didn't. I felt many things and after that, it was like a switch on me turned itself off. I felt nothing. Emptiness.

I worried when I felt so many depressing emotions but I feared when I stopped feeling. I didn't hate, I just stopped caring. And at that moment my life started to change. Everything took its course, good things came my way without me expecting them or was my mind playing some old tricks?. I just knew that the sky wasn't cloudy anymore. I was dying to share what was going on in my life with that person but in the end, I managed to not feel the necessity.

It was toxic and I didn't realize it. Double standards and all you can imagine. Jokes that were true and trues that hurt. Everything concentrated hurting me over and over again without my permission. I even questioned my existence. I guess I was just afraid of being alone when that was all I needed. Some alone time. Completely alone. Far from criticism, far from unfriendly eyes and from envious thoughts.

   I rediscovered myself. I found a social being that was trapped in some vain alternative reality. Faking and socially posting the idea of a self that was just too good to be true. Then I started to see myself for who I was and for my worth. I didn't need a person to fulfill my loneliness when I had me. All I needed, me. Now, you can call me psycho if that makes you happy.