Lovesick

10 | eigengrau

10

eigengrau

the color seen by the eye in perfect darkness

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

What if i had cut flowers instead of my wrists, would you have stayed?

The crest was overpowering. It was a big chunk of what you call "sadness".

It's the memorial day. The day i'm going to be left there under the ground, laid with flowers, and sent to the grave?

It was full of grief. I had killed myself. I never thought that at the middle of my teenage years, the angst dissappeared. It was replaced by a feeling of being lost and worse, being dead.

I killed myself. Hung myself down the cellar. my parents and my sister were off to get dinner. I was left alone. The chance was contingent. It was a perfect moment.

Pre-suicide, something happened.

We broke up. I was close to breaking down.

We broke up over something you might not even picture. I was suicidal. I've cut my wrists. Started to harm myself. He found it. Saw it.

He vowed to never return to me after that. The pain was excruciating. It made life even worse.

I was being send down under the grave, thrown with flowers, and cried over by the people in my life who maybe " i mattered "

Conventional right? a death who everyone like me aspired. a white coffin along with white roses and sunflowers.

It was unconventional too. I was killed three times. Depression killed me first. He killed me second. I killed myself third.