Come Back to Me [Boy x Boy]

Chapter 4

Jesse P.O.V

When we arrive home, I walk up to my room and turn on my concentrator before flopping down onto my bed. I'm physically drained and need rest. Unfortunately, Connie enters my room, prohibiting my rest.

"So, are you going to tell me the truth?" She asks, sitting on the edge of my bed.

I sigh and pull a blanket over me. Telling Connie the truth isn't at the top of my priority list. She cares, and I should appreciate that, but I can't bring myself to feel that way. Of course, I know I'd feel differently if she didn't care at all.

"I'm tired," I mumble softly.

"You're always tired." She pulls the covers down.

A soft whine leaves my mouth as she does so. My source of warmth and comfort has been taken from me. I try to pull the blanket back up, but Connie throws it off the bed.

"Connie, please," I beg quietly,

"Tell me the truth. We're all worried for you. You haven't been the same since-," Connie cuts herself off.

It's all too clear what she was going to say. It's true; I haven't been the same since the crash. My health has only gotten worse. My mental health has plummeted dramatically. In no way am I okay.

No one would be okay if they survived a horrible car crash and found out their partner was in a coma. They would want to join their partner in the never-ending slumber. I tried to join my partner, unfortunately, Connie wouldn't allow that.

It was about three weeks after the crash. I was finally home from the hospital. Connie practically had to drag me away because I had been spending every second I could in my comatose lover's room.

Doctors kept me on heavy pain medication for my arm. I brought them home with me because I still had a good amount left. I was in such a low state that I would have tried anything to be with him.

That night, I found myself locked in my room, opening the pill bottle with tears in my eyes. I shakily poured the entire bottle down my throat in a desperate attempt to join the one I love. Unfortunately, Connie picked the lock to my room and saw me swallow the pills.

I vaguely remember yelling something along the lines of "Let me rest with John!" After that, everything becomes hazy and I don't remember much after that. Needless to say, I was taken off my pain meds.

"Leave me alone, Connie." I lay back down, being in a worse mood than before.

"Jesse-."

"Go," I snap.

Slowly, Connie gets up and walks to the door. She whispers a soft apology before leaving the room. I sigh and rub my face roughly.

Connie is only trying to help me and all I'm doing is pushing her away. I should let her help me instead of hating her attempts. If I don't stop, she'll hate me.

I sigh and sit up. Apologizing to Connie is the right thing to do. I don't want her to think I'm mad at her when I'm not. Sometimes, I just snap.

I get up and walk across the hall to Connie's room. After a moment, I knock softly on the door. When she opens the door her expression quickly changes.

"I'm sorry," I say softly. "I shouldn't have snapped at you. You're only trying to help me."

Connie hugs me and sighs softly. "It's fine," she says while ruffling my hair.

"I'm being an ass to you," I mumble.

"You're expected to be an ass. You're grieving," she says.

"Don't justify my shitty attitude," I say with a huff.

"So," Connie sits on her bed and gestures for me to come in. "What happened at school?" she asks while patting the bed beside her.

I sit down next to her and sigh softly. "I saw Erin in gym class," I explain.

I notice Connie's cheeks grow a bit pink. She obviously has a crush on Erin, and I can't blame her. He's a desirable guy. He's tall, fit, funny, good-looking, and to top it off, he wants to be a doctor. He's so determined that he's in the duel enrollment program and is in the nursing program at the college.

"Oh. That must have been hard," Connie says after a moment.

"It was. They're practically identical. Seeing him caused me so much pain, but I couldn't just push him away," I admit softly.

"I'm sorry." Connie puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Don't be sorry. You can't control stuff like that. I might just have to avoid talking to Erin," I tell her, "at least for a while."

"That's understandable," she says, making me feel a bit better.

I shrug my shoulders and stare down at the ground. Somehow, admitting my feelings makes me feel worse than before. I feel terrible for talking about pushing Erin away. He's only trying to help. I shouldn't push people away, but it's my first instinct.

"I hate pushing people away," I mutter.

"You don't mean to, and we know that. Don't beat yourself up, Jesse. You're going through a lot and we want to make sure you're okay," Connie reminds me.

I nod and sigh. She rubs my back for a moment.

"You should rest. You're getting yourself worked up," she says.

"I'm not tired," I lie through a yawn.

"You're a terrible liar." Connie laughs. "Go rest. I'll wake you up before dinner."

I nod and get up slowly. Connie is right, I do need rest. I'm exhausted. I practically collapse on my bed after picking up my blanket.

Sleeping feels nice after a long day. Perhaps I'll feel better once I wake up and eat dinner. After that, I'll do my homework, take a shower, and go back to sleep. It's how most of my days go now. I really don't have anything else to do. There's nothing to do besides sleep and that's exactly what I do.