Come Back to Me [Boy x Boy]

Chapter 12

Jesse P.O.V

Unfortunately, my struggling is fruitless. My parents drag me home, rather than let me walk. I suppose they're smart to do so. My body probably wouldn't have been able to make it all the way home. It was a surprise that it didn't give out before I even made it here. In all honesty, it should have.

Once we're all in the car, my father, Jack specifically, lets out a deep sigh. Neither of my parents is happy. They have the right not to be. I would be mad if my "disadvantaged" child, using their words, walked almost a mile and a half to the hospital in the blazing sun.

"Jesse, you can't push yourself like that," Xander says softly.

"I know that. I'm "disadvantaged." I can't do anything on my own," my tone mocks their caring words.

He sighs and rubs his face gently. I'm not the best child to handle right now. I'm in a bad mood and those are unstable enough as it is.

"We're trying to make sure you're okay, Jesse. Lose the fucking attitude," Connie pipes in.

"Language," Xander says a bit calmly.

"Leave me alone," I snap.

"No. Stop acting like the entire world is against you. There are people that care about you and they're right here," she argues.

"The entire world is against me, Connie!" I bark. "I've been on a leash almost my entire life! No one thinks I can do anything on my own! All I ever do is feel like a burden!" I take a few breaths. "Then, after years of feeling alone, I meet someone who lets me do things, who makes me feel like I'm not just some walking disability, and he's in a God damn coma! So sorry if I'm not in a good fucking mood!"

The entire car suddenly silences. Tension lurks in the air. A soft sigh escapes my lips as I lean my head against the cool glass of the car window.

"You aren't a burden, Jesse. We're family and we'll help you as much as you need it, but you have to let us," Jack breaks the silence. "The fact is, you can't do everything on your own. You know that. And while you may think that you can continue to push yourself and go gallivanting across town like this, in reality, your body can't handle it. You have to limit yourself."

"There are things you can do," Xander adds. "You're just physically limited. We're only trying to make things a bit easier for you. Just calm down, please."

I take several deep breaths that expand my aching lungs. The feeling is painful, but soothing at the same time.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "My head feels like it's twisting in a tornado of emotions," I admit softly.

"It's okay," Xander says softly.

The car sinks into uncomfortable silence once again. As soon as we're in the driveway, I crawl out of the car and head inside as fast as I can. I don't want to speak anymore.

I quickly walk up stairs, catching my foot on a step and slamming hard into the wooden staircase. My ribcage now feels bruised and slightly shifted. My mind tries to force me to get up before I'm noticed, but unfortunately, Connie sees me and comes rushing to my aid.

"Jesus, Jesse, take it easy. Your body is fragile," she warns me while practically dragging me up the stairs.

The pain in my chest forces me into silence as my sister drags me to my room. She practically pushes me into bed before lowering the lights and closing the door.

"Please get my pain meds," I whine, hoping that Connie heard me before she left.

A few minutes later, she comes back with a bottle of pills and a glass of water. She hands me two pills and the water. I take them easily before setting the glass on my bedside table.

Connie almost leaves when I beg her to leave the pills. I can see the distrust in her eyes. She doesn't want to, but I'm practically begging. I don't want to have to yell when I need my next dosage.

"Please," I plead softly.

She lets out a sigh of defeat while setting them next to the glass of the water. "I'm trusting you with these. Please, don't make me regret it." And with that, she leaves the room.

I reach over and pluck the bottle off the table. The directions clearly state to take two tablets every six hours. I won't have to take any again for six hours.

Connie still doesn't trust me with my pills. In all honesty, she shouldn't. I'm not stable enough to be left alone with opioids yet. It's too soon after my attempt to permanently numb my pain.

My fingers wrap around the top of the bottle. I hold it steady between my knees as I push down and twist. There's about three-quarters of the bottle left.

A part of me strongly wants to down the bottle of pills like a shot of alcohol. Quick, painless, numb. All seem like good ways to die. A peaceful drift into unconsciousness where you don't wake up. My family will just think I'm asleep, for a while. Until they realize what I've done. By then, it'll be too late.

I take several deep breaths. My family's voices ring in my ears. Connie would never forgive herself for leaving me with these pills. I don't want her to blame herself for my decision. My fathers will feel as though they didn't do enough to help me through my problems. I don't want them to feel that way. The guilt should be mine and mine alone to bear. No one else should feel bad about my decision to end my pain. But unfortunately, I know they would. They want me to live through my rough patch and find happiness again. Unfortunately, I don't know if I can convince myself to stop.

I've come this far. Do I really want to give up and end it all now?