Come Back to Me [Boy x Boy]

Chapter 11

Jesse P.O.V

My anger gets the best of me as I leave the house completely. Even just a few hours on my own feels better than having to talk about what happened to me. I shouldn't even have to talk about it. Connie wasn't supposed to tell. She promised.

My steps are paced quickly down the street. I don't know where I'm going, but my body wants to get there fast. Unfortunately, my lungs can't keep up with a fast pace and I'm forced to make frequent stops. Even when I want to leave everything behind, I'm still attached to a leash.

After a few moments, I continue walking. The only thing I really want is to clear my head. I don't particularly care where it happens, as long as I'm out of that house.

Connie told our parents out of love, I'm sure, but I specifically told her not to tell anyone. It hadn't even been a day before she went and blabbed to our fathers. She broke my trust when I needed it most. My emotions are getting harder to distinguish.  I can't tell what I'm feeling anymore.

I notice that I'm walking in the direction of the hospital. Part of me wants to turn around and go home. My body is tired and my brain is giving up on trying to keep things together. Going home and having a break down is probably my best choice at the moment. Unfortunately, I force myself to keep walking away.

My body aches as I keep walking. Doctors have told me that my body isn't meant to be very physical. It's not good for me to be "on the go" so much. They even say I should keep it easy at school when all I really have to do that's physical is a walk to class.

Today, however, I know that I've been far too physical. My lungs burn every time I inhale. Turning up my oxygen helps only slightly. I'm pushing myself too far, but I still keep pushing anyway.

By now, I'm more than half-way to the hospital. I'm not even certain if my family is aware that I'm not at home. They may be giving me space and I snuck out at just the right time.

Finally, I reach the hospital. I have rather mixed feelings about being here, but I want to see my partner. No amount of discomfort would ever discourage me from seeing him.

I walk up to the front counter and lean against it. The nurse sitting behind it gives me a worried look, as I probably seem exhausted from the long walk.

"Are you okay, Sweetie?" she asks while glancing at me to see if I've been accompanied by someone.

"I'm fine," I manage to wheeze out. "Just visiting someone."

She hesitantly hands me the visiting sheet. I sloppily sign it before heading towards the elevator. Glancing back, I notice her watching with a worried expression.

The elevator doors open and allow me inside. I press the button for the fifth floor and sigh. My body finally has a moments rest. The elevator begins to travel up slowly. The slower it goes, the more time I have to catch my breath.

Finally, it reaches my destination. I slowly walk down the hall to my lover's room, praying that they didn't move him. The last thing I want is to have to walk all the way back to the front desk.

Luckily, when I enter the room my partner lies eerily peacefully in bed. I sigh and nearly crumble onto the soft cushions of the couch next to him. I remember what happened here, but my body is too tired to force me to move.

"God, I miss you," I huff out softly.

My lover's head shifts slightly. There were once days when I would sit up in excitement, expecting him to wake up that very second. That was before doctors explained that it was just a small reflex that happened at random times. It no longer excites me. My partner remains in his slumber.

"Nothing is the same without you," I whisper.

My voice quivers as I begin to weep. The pain and exhaustion overtake my body. I'm unable to contain my tears any longer. How I wish for his warm, comforting touch. How I miss his laugh, his smile, the way his eyes lit up the room. I miss everything.

During my sobbing, my phone begins to vibrate. I wipe my eyes before reading the caller ID, seeing it's my father, Jack. Out of frustration, I decline the call.

Declining the call seemed like the best decision. I didn't want to talk or go home. I just wanted to lay on the couch, close to my partner, and cry in my grief. It's not much to ask for.

My sense of time slowly slips away. I can't tell if it's been minutes or hours, but I honestly don't care. I don't want to leave. I'm choosing to remain here until visiting hours end. After that, I'll walk back home.

My phone rings several more times. Each time I let it go to voicemail. Accepting calls is not my main concern at the moment. Eventually, I put my phone on silent to keep the room quiet.

Consciousness is slipping away from me. Unfortunately, right as I'm about to sleep, the door opens quickly and my fathers and sister rush in.

"Jesse, what the hell were you thinking?" Jack asks with an angry tone.

"Leave me alone," I mumble. "I just want to be alone."

"Absolutely not," Xander nearly cuts me off. "You can't just walk to the hospital, Jesse. Your lungs aren't strong enough."

"Well I did, and unfortunately, I'm still alive," I snap before sitting up from the couch.

My legs buckle and I'm forced to sit down. Connie sits next to me and pulls me into an unwanted hug. There is no use in fighting her, so I don't.

"We're only trying to help you. We just want you to be okay," she says softly.

"Nothing is okay!" I yell. "I'm on oxygen! My boyfriend is in a coma! I only have one arm! And to top it all off, I was raped yesterday! I'm pretty fucking far from okay, Connie! Just leave me alone!" I nearly scream.

My entire family is shocked by my outburst. I've never been so frustrated in my life. I've never felt so angry, yet had the urge to cry at the same time. I may never be okay again.

As much as I try to push them away, I need my family now more than ever before. I hope they understand that.