Come Back to Me [Boy x Boy]

Chapter 13

Jesse P.O.V

After several minutes of contemplation, I can't take it anymore. Everything is too stressful. My parents don't understand. My sister wants to, but she just doesn't. I'm the only one who knows the true amount of pain I'm in.

My fingers wrap tightly around the bottle. Once I do this, there's no turning back. This is meant to kill me. This is meant to stop my suffering for all eternity. Hopefully, it works.

I lean my head back and bring the orange plastic bottle to my lips. This is the last possible opportunity for me to back out. A small part of me wants to, while the majority knows I'll only reach this point again and have to go through the same awful thought process.

Slowly, I open my mouth and empty the bottle into it. It's difficult to swallow so many pills, but I manage to do it. After that, I drink most of the water that Connie left behind.

This is the day my life ends. I've swallowed too many pills to survive. I'd have to have my stomach pumped immediately if I had any intention of living. Luckily for me, I don't have any hopes of being saved. I want this.

For a moment, I don't feel any different. The pills have to kick in before I drift off forever. Hopefully, that won't be too long. I'll finally be free of this horrible place.

I lazily toss the bottle towards the trashcan. I can't tell if I made it or not, and frankly, I don't care. It doesn't mean anything to me anymore. All I can recall is the banging sound it makes when it hits the wall.

My eyes slowly begin to flutter closed. Everything starts to feel better. I start to feel light, distant; almost like I'm floating away from this reality. My senses become disoriented. It almost feels like I'm levitating. The sensation is peaceful and relaxing.

Any sounds make it seem like I'm underwater and they're coming from above the surface; deep, distorted, difficult to make out. I don't exactly bother with the sounds. The sensation is peaceful to me and I want it to remain that way. I want to continue to leave this plane of existence.

Time has passed, but I'm not sure how long it's been. For all I know, it could be five hours or five minutes. My internal clock is all out of whack. Not that time will mean anything to me when I'm dead.

The door to my room slowly creaks open. I don't bother looking at who it is. I most likely seem like I'm sleeping.

My sister enters quietly and sits on the edge of my bed. I can tell it's her because I can smell her perfume. The sweet scent of vanilla and lemon is extremely potent. I always liked the scent. It always came off as a happy scent to me. It's bright and sweet.

"Jesse," my sister's distorted and deep voice cuts through the quiet.

I don't answer her. I don't even try. My mouth feels dry and my mind feels as though it can't even form a proper sentence.

"Jesse," she says again, sounding more concerned.

Again, I don't answer. I'm nearly asleep. My mind tells me that if I manage to fall asleep that everything will be okay. I'll die peacefully in my sleep. I just won't wake up. Everything will stop. The pain and suffering will stop, the depression will stop, everything that caused me pain in life will finally stop.

"Jesse!" she yells.

I wish Connie would let me die peacefully. She knows what's happened. She knows that I'm in pain, yet she wants me to continue this life of pain. It just isn't fair.

Two strong arms wrap around me and carry me through the house. It's hard to describe the feeling, but I know it's my father. It's like his touch is there but not at the same time. Everything feels strange.

Now, all of my family is moving swiftly and with panic. This is the exact opposite of what I wanted. I wanted to go out quietly, alone, numb. It wasn't much to ask for, in my opinion. Just a peaceful way out that ends the pain.

"Jesse, stay awake," my other father's voice vaguely comes through.

I force my eyes open for a moment. My vision is blurry and
I see multiple layers of the same image. It's hard to make out any detail.

"Stay awake!" he begs, shaking me a bit.

My eyes slowly begin to close. My eyelids feel tired and heavy. I can no longer force them open. I just want to sleep. That's all I want. Is that too much to ask for? Is this pain some sort of punishment?

"Jesse!" my sister sobs violently while shaking my shoulders.

"Stop," I believe I manage to slur out.

My thoughts are running wild. I can't tell exactly what's happening. Not much makes sense to me right now.

"It's my fault," her voice cuts through the watery sound. "I left the pills in his room when I knew that it was a bad idea."

Connie is blaming herself for my decision. Some part of me knew that would happen, but I didn't want her to feel guilty for my suicide. It's my choice to end my life.

"It's not your fault, Honey," one of our father's voices comes through. I can't tell which one right now.

Suddenly, the moving sensation of the car stops. I'm grabbed out of the car and carried inside. I may be high and dying slowly, but I know we're in the hospital.

My ability to make out words quickly worsens. The only thing I can focus on is the blinding light of the hospital room. Everything begins to slip away. The light becomes less bright. The voices become more distant. I'm slowly slipping away into my peaceful slumber. My ears ring and everything goes black. It's finally happening.