Me Too

9

I waited in my bedroom- the one I deserve to be damned to; the one with a lumpy mattress and nowhere near Sofia. I don't what got into me. Nobody can explain my actions better than me, but I don't have a clue why I was so mad. I was trying to find a reason to believe it was a set up, but after she pulled her stunt, I lost it. Like some psychopath. I didn't see a single turning point between what was real and what wasn't. Was any of it worth being upset by? Was any of it even real?

Did she actually tell him she didn't want to be with me? I don't want to even think shut those words coming out of her mouth- even if it was his bullying that got her to that point.

I sped the entire way here, and some of my anger melted before I entered our house. Then I was just left miserable and exhausted. First, I went in our room, but after just a moment, less than a second, I was dragging my weight down the hall and dropping flat on my matress that felt like rocks. It didn't take more than an hour for her to return- I have to assume the boys had nothing to say to her. They don't like being left alone with her, it seems. Or she is just telling herself that.

I heard her open and shut the door, but she didn't call out. She didn't even come towards my room. She headed straight for the master room without so much as a second thought. Maybe she supposed I was in there. Maybe she doesn't care.

Her footsteps were heavy as she swung open the white door, letting it hit the wall. I peaked out of my room like a child seeing their parent put presents under the tree; I was watching the love of my love hold back tears and hold her fist by her chin as she threw her phone and wallet onto the bedding. She ran both her hands through her thick hair and she spun to face the door- to face me. She closed her eyes and collapsed onto her bed, sitting on the edge and putting her head between her knees. She covered her mouth with one of her hands and her entire body shook.

How do I approach this? This is my fault.

I slide my bare foot into the hall. She knows I'm here; I left the keys on the counter and my shoes by our bed. She knows I'm coming because she quieted down. I let go of my door frame and in eight strides, I stand in her door jam, softly tapping the wood. "Sofia?"

She didn't look up. She mumbled to the floor, "What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened?" I asked, tip toeing closer to her.

She took a breath and wiped off her cheek. "You know damn well that wasn't necessary. We could've settled with a lot of different things, but you made it Thomas's fault. Do you resent him that much? What did he ever do to you? He feels like shit, Chloe. He was just trying to help me, do you get that?"

I'm hesitant. She gets up and waits, staring me down. I have to fill the silence, but nothing will be right to say. "Did you actually say all of that to him?"

She threw her head back. "God! I'm sorry I didn't run my choice of conversation by you! I feel like I can't breathe, and for one God damn minute I wanted it off my chest."

"Sofia, I'm not trying to fight with you. I just want to know why." I give her space, I don't want to worsen things. "Please tell me what you told him."

"Two people besides us know, and I couldn't talk to you about it anymore. He was there." She crossed her arms, holding and supporting herself. "Thomas knows you, and I thought he could help me understand something. I don't see what I did wrong. I could have called up Ryan, but I didn't because I didn't want to start a fight with anyone. I couldn't hold it in anymore, and Thomas was there. It wasn't on purpose, I just couldn't take it. I am overwhelmed and I don't know what to do anymore, Chloe. Are you the only one allowed to have hard days?"

I lean my back flat against the wall, my head low. "I don't even know what to say-"

"Because you know you went too far with that. That wasn't staged. Something messed with you because I don't even know you right now. I've been living with a stranger. Loving someone I don't even recognize."