Me Too

16

A happier thought came to mind after two hours of blankly staring at the flashing advertisements on Times Sqaure. My eyes blind, I lost sight of the terrible flashback, and instead an angelic white sheet covered my gaze, blanketing my vision with a fond memory: my first date with Sofia.

I don't remember as much as I wish I could hold onto. Until she said the words, I was just in a swing of things; numb and panicked. But I know my girlfriend knows every detail like the back of her hand. She will never forget that day start to end. That was her unforgettable experience, a lot happened to her that day:

Sofia had on iconic clothes, her hair blue and to her chest. She was a princess and I was clean faced from my day as a villain, my blonde hair tucked under a scarf. Thomas had been out of the country, not that I cared all of that much (he wasn't usually around anyways; it was fine), and Sofia was heading back to her trailer to retire her time card for the night. Today hadn't been a good day for her, and I already knew without asking. I could just tell something wasn't right.

It was nearly dinner time, and I had the impression my best friend needed some company. She seemed a bit out of it for the several weeks we've been in Vancouver, but between Thomas and filming, I had to focus on the things in my life, no matter how much my mind wanted to wander. I care about her, and in times of boredom, I think of her- when I really should be thinking about other things, like my job for example. Nonetheless, I like to go to the day she admitted (indirectly) that she liked me in the same way I felt about her. That smirk, the blush on her flawless tan skin, her nervous tick to move her hair, it made my heart flutter even five days later.

I approached Sofia in the trailer lot as any child with a crush would. I tapped her shoulder and came by her side, a cheeky grin plastered on my face. "Hey."

"Hey. What's up?" We're friends, but her knees grew weak and she turned red, looking to the ground to watch her step.

"Are you done for the day?"

"Yeah, I just have to get out of wardrobe and I am homefree." She waited several seconds for me to speak, I didn't know what to say. I shouldn't struggle this much talking to my friend! I guess I have a lot more on my mind than I thought. I was trying to focus, but I began thinking: I've felt this same heart throbbing, breath taking daze for four years. Since we met. I want to know if she feels the same way, but I know I'm stupid to think anyone would ever be awe struck by me.

Even though, I already knows she loves me in a friend way, and I know she likes me a bit more than that, I honestly don't believe Sofia would ever actually love me.

Our director Kenny was watching the two of us build our friendship through the first movie, and he would always say, "you two loved each other ten seconds after meeting." and she and I would correct him, "ten seconds before, Kenny!" But I truly meant it.

It scares me to wonder if she was just joking or if she could have possibly been breaking inside too having to take that slap of reality that we're friends and always will be. I hardly doubt that there was anything more than a laugh behind it for her, but I really felt a lot of pain having to push away what I felt for her. I saw her from across the room that first day four years ago and even though I was with Ryan then, she stole a piece of my heart- granted, I denied everything I felt for a while, she was still able to make me really happy just as my friend.

Sofia cleared her voice to regain my attention. She was unfortunately getting sick, weakened up here in the cold. Vancouver is freezing even in April and we've been here for several weeks.

She also hasn't been sleeping, worsening her cold; my hotel room is right next to hers and when I can't sleep at night, I hear her on the phone up late. She's always arguing with someone and I tried not to listen, but I had to know why she was crying. I could never come up with anything plausible and I had no courage to ask her. She was perfectly fine in the day time, just like she is now.