Me Too

14

In our hotel room, I was convinced that I was comfortable. Everything was fine, peaceful even. But then again, it was also peaceful that first night before anything ever happened to me.

I laid in bed on my computer, searching through anything to keep my mind off the luggage and off of the tormenting thoughts. It seemed to be working, I finally relaxed.

Then I heard the door being tested and all fear coursed into my blood, paralyzing me. Fuck, I'm screwed. Sofia had left to get dinner for us and she still wasn't back. I should have gone with her instead of obliging to her pleading that I stay. Why did I stay?

Sofia and I decided against going back into the city and we thought take out of Chinese delicacy would be good enough. She didn't want to go out with me tonight and I am fine with thst, but she insisted I stay here. What if she knew someone was coming for me? Why else would she leave me here alone?

I hate this place.

I hate this city, this hotel. I hate being in positions where I'm vulnerable. She left me alone in the first place Ryan ever raped me.

I got up off the bed and quietly tip toed to the peephole. Our suite is on the ninth floor above the chaotic streets; it is not a busy hall and our neighbours stopped rustling around just minutes after we arrived. It's nearly 10:45, but Sofia and I are still on California time. We'll be lucky to fall asleep before two or three am, and she will have to be ready by eight to get to the studio at nine thirty.

Through the hole, I see my girlfriend in the hall, holding a white sack stacked high with trays and leaning over to pick up her dropped keycard. I open the door slowly, getting out from behind the structure before it crushes me. I take the bag from her as she stands back up with the key between her fingers and her cheeks glowing red as she raises it. "I hate these."

"They're stubborn for clumsy people," I tease.

She rolled her eyes and came in, shutting the door. She followed me to the small round table and I set the food down. "I tried to get a variety, but they didn't have much."

"It looks amazing. Thank you." I press a kiss to her lips. I toss my phone to the bed so it is not on our eating space. "I am starving."

"I know you are- you haven't stopped complaining since we got here." She laughed, drawing the curtains, shading us from the blinding advertisement boards outside our bay window.

I shrug, taking my covered tray. The smell of food made me feel nauseous. "It was a long flight, and I didn't eat before we left. Of course I'm going to complain."

"I offered to stop before we got to LAX, you said to hurry. We'd be late."

I sit on the edge of the California King, curling my legs under myself, setting the white container on my thigh. It scalded my skin under my pajama pants. After my ice cold shower, everything is flaming.

Sofia kissed the top of my damp head and sat next to me. "I'm going to get everything ready tonight after we eat, I don't want to deal with it tomorrow morning. We can sleep in."

"That would be fantastic." I smile, knowing she isn't serious. "Are you excited?"

"Well," she sighed, "not really. They're just a ton of rambling videos. After one or two, I am bored. And yet they keep sending more kids in. There's probably going to be a million different interviews for YouTube channels and things." The impression I got was that this is just as thrilling for her as my audition today was for me. Some aspects of our jobs are not great, but they're worth it when we get to do what we want to do.

Do what you have to do when you have to do it so that when the time is right you can do what you want to do when you want to do it.

"So, why did they set this up in New York? How is that at all convenient for you?"