Me Too

33

Sofia has not spoken to me since this morning. I know she's not trying to avoid me, but it stings to have her so close, yet so far away. I could reach out and touch her, but she would walk away. I feel like we're back to square one.

We drove to Camerons separately, and every mile I wanted to cry. I seriously need help, I can't be this emotionally unstable and expect her to stay. If I don't pick myself up, Sofia will leave. Or I will push her so far away to protect her that we'll be nothing but memories. Love ends when you no longer allow yourself to be in the moment with the other person and instead when you cherish the idea of them more than their presence.

By the time I got to Cameron's, I was faking a smile to put up walls around my heart, I need thicker skin to hide this much damage. Luckily, nobody notices as I slip into the yard and slide under the pavilion where every stood around, waiting exuberantly.

Cameron immediately started giving orders to everyone. They all went over my head. I'm lost and I'm barely holding on. How did I get to this point?

Zaya told me everything a second time, Stephanie reminded me a third. I'm hopeless. A bubbly brunette bounced by and stayed a respectful foot away from me, she glanced at me with vibrant brown eyes and then she approached me. Sofias voice was the only one that I understood.

A fourth round of the same intructions finally stuck. We have to get all of our background scenes filmed today. "It isn't much," Sofia said, stroking a free strand of hair back tiredly, "but it will take most of the day. I have to be out of here by three, there is a lot to get done in the next four hours. Are you ready?"

Everything out of her bronze lips made it crystal clear, I was enchanted. I nodded, "So, I have to," I clear my voice, "find someone to rape me?"

I wish- really, really, wish- I had not said what my first thought was! I could be phrased that million different ways. Fuck my life! Sofia's body was over took by a cold chill that replaced all the energy she once had, she turned grey. "Cameron said it's up to you how you do it. Everything pertaining to you is supposed to be made specifically to how you want it." She spoke as if I was an inferior and she was the boss, giving orders. I can handle Cameron telling me what to do, but when Sofia does it, it reminds me that she's taking care of me like a child. I can survive on my own. Maybe.

"Okay."

"I hope it's one and done, you know?" She turned, looking away from me. "I'll see you later, I'm going to go find something to work on. There is a lot to get done."

"Sofia-" She ran off to Cameron, leaving an impression of her two inch heels in the grass. I couldn't stop her from running away. "I love you," I whisper to where she once stood, "I hope you still love me."

Sofia giddily talked with Cameron, composing herself in her own social way. I just wanted her to be that happy with me. At least I know she won't be completely destroyed if- "hey," Stephanie calls out. "Dove." She snaps me out of thought. I guess I can get carried away.

I met Zaya and Stephanie by the white screen as Zaya unboxed cords and tossed them around the wilting grass. "Hey," I say.

Zaya tosses a hand to greet me as if she would rather see me burn than talk to me. Stephanie smiled weakly, touching my bicep. "Is everything okay?"

I cock my head to the side. My hair startled her as it brushes her skin, she pulled away like I was a rabid dog that had just growled. Is it that obvious? "What do you mean? Yeah, I'm fine."

"Cameron told us."

My heart pounds and my stomach drops. "What are you talking about?" The world is officially ending. Hell has risen.