dear depressed diary

entry #10

Dear depressed diary,

Usually when I wake up, I have to drag myself out of bed and mentally prepare myself for the day and the things that could potentially happen, I have to paint on a smile and act as though I am happy. But today, I woke up and felt nothing, I casually stood up and got dressed, I didn't bother with make up or my hair, I didn't have the effort to build myself up when I knew id get knocked down through the day, I couldn't be bothered with making myself presentable when I don't want anyone to see me. Usually I spend at least half an hour checking my phone and doing nothing but be online, but today, my phone is still on charge, untouched, wasting time looking through social media seems pointless, I don't feel like doing it. Everything seems mediocre, and I strangely feel nothing, absolutely nothing at all. 

See ya later demons.

"Madeline, hurry up or we will be late"

"coming" I ran down the stairs and jumped into the car with Helena and Bellemy "Hey guys"

"hey, where were you yesterday?" 

"I took a personal day Bel"

"Shayne was worried"

"Don't raise your eyebrows at me like that, you are so patronising" 

"sorry, it just seems as though he likes you"

"trust me he doesn't, not in that way at least"

"what ever you say" we drove to school while talking about everything that I had missed the previous day, it seems as though nothing was different without me there, its good to know they can all be happy without me. we arrived at school and went to our usual place where we stood in the morning, as I was walking over I noticed that Heidi wasn't there, and Eve looked angry but also apologetic, 

"hey Madi, can I talk to you?" 

"hey Courtney, of course you can, whats up?" we walked away from the group and into an empty part of the school courtyard

"well you weren't at school yesterday and your brother was worried because he couldn't find you, he came to ask us where you were and Evelyn, she said that you were probably in a ditch somewhere being pathetic, I just thought I should tell you before you talk to her because she was going to lie and apologise and pretend that she was okay, she said some pretty mean things yesterday, they were aimed towards you, she told everyone on the table you are bisexual, I just wanted you to know" it took a second for what Courtney said to actually be understood in my mind

"thank you Courtney, I'm sorry you had to hear what she was saying about bisexuality, she mades her opinions very clear to me when she said I wasn't her friend anymore"

"is that why you were off yesterday?"

"That and I had a fight with my brother because he was the one who told Evelyn because he was angry that I quit therapy, and I ended up getting no sleep and going for a long walk to an abandoned park and just sat there for a full day"

"you were in therapy?"

"yeah, I have depression and he thought going to therapy would magically fix it, it didn't and it was pointless so I decided to leave"

"he shouldn't be angry at you for that"

"I'm surprised he was worried abot me because he called me pathetic before, I didn't think that me just not being there would do that"

"he is your brother, of course he cares"

"I guess, have you seen Heidi?"

"no, she wasn't here yesterday either" and then the bell went