dear depressed diary

entry #11

Dear depressed diary,

Everyday I either take one step forward or ten backwards, it seems impossible to ever actually improve because I move backwards more than I move forwards. Yesterday I was like I took twenty steps backwards, I went way back to how I was before starting therapy, although I made one good decision. I have decided that I am going to take Heidi's advice, I will tell her, I will try to make up with Evelyn, I will try to live, because now I have made a promise that I will I have to. It is so difficult to think of how I am going to make my life better, I don't know how to do it, I don't know how to fix myself because I don't know what is broken, but I will try.

I thought of something yesterday, something I haven't thought of in a very long time and it scared me, I need to find a way to get everything out, but I don't know how, I don't even know what I need to get out, I'm going to take Heidi's advice

See ya later demons.

MEEE -- hey Courtney, can you meet me somewhere?

COURTNEY -- yeah of course, where?

MEEE -- thanks, the old abandoned park on the edge of town?

COURTNEY -- yeah sure, I'll be there soon

I grabbed my coat and phone before running out the door and headed through town to the park, when I arrived there was none there, so I walked in and sat on the swing. I was sat for almost twenty minutes before Courtney arrived

"hey, it's pretty cool here"

"hi, yeah, I love coming here, its so peaceful and actually kind of beautiful"

"yeah, in a strange way it is beautiful, but isn't it like a thirty minute walk from your house? I mean in took me almost an hour to walk here"

"yeah, but I don't mind walking"

"well anyway, we got side tracked way too soon, what did you want to talk about?" 

"well, as you know, Heidi left everyone letters yesterday, well in mine she gave me some advice and I think that advice is something I should take, but doing so is proving to be more difficult than I thought"

"Madi, its okay, what was the advice?"

"the advice was, tell her already"

"okay, I'm confused"

"yeah me to"

"who is her?"

"her is you"

"me?"

"yeah"

"and what are you supposed to be telling me?"

"I'm not too sure, I think she wants me to tell you that I like you"

"well I like you too" 

"no, I like you"