For The Love Of The Game

Chapter Eight

I had made my way down to the local bar, for a Friday night it was quiet and I was glad.  Even though I was under age I still got drink here basically for free, sometimes my last name came in handy.

I had a couple of shots of tequila down, and was on my fourth beer. I was feeling pretty good, and the pain of losing Alice was slowing deminishing.

"Is this seat taken?" I didn't even bother to look up, there was only one person's voice who can send my heart rate sky rocketing.

I shook my head no as she sat down beside me, ordering a beer and a shot for herself. I cocked and eyebrow at her as she locked eyes with me.

"What a woman shouldn't drink alone now should she?" I couldn't help but smile, but I was waiting for the yelling to begin.

The bartender brought her drinks over, she was a pro at taking shots, before casually sipping on her beer. "I'm sorry I ran off."

She just shrugged her shoulders, peeling at the beer label on her bottle, "you know alochol isn't the solution though right?"

I signed as I looked down, "I know trust me, I already know."

She gave me a questioning look before I continued, "my sophomore year this was my escape. It not only helped the pain inside but also the external pain from the beatings I was taken.

It started out at as an occasional thing, but eventually turned into everyday. No one said anything because of who I was, so I just continued.

Eventually the alochol stopped helping, and I realized I was just adding to my problems. So I decided to stop and haven't touch a drop until tonight."

Her eyes never left mine as I told her about how I tried to cope with things.  From drugs to alochol, to even considering suicide.

"Do you feel like that now?" Her eyes searched mine as she waited for me to answer.

I shook my head, "I haven't considered suicide in a long time. I just still struggle when I get over whelmed, and I can feel the anxiety building in my chest.

I loved Alice more than anyone in this world, I knew she was sick, but she never told me how sick. I literally feel like my heart is shattered, and when that happens I don't know how to deal with things. So I usually end up doing something stupid or trying to find a way to cope."

She looked at me for a few moments before reaching over and taking the bottle out of my hand, "for starters alochol and drugs are not ways to cope. They are just cover ups, but the problem is once they wear off the pain is still there.

Second your figuring out a better way to cope because your opening up to me, finding someone who your willing to trust and you can talk to will go a long way in life.

Three let's go home, because I am about a minute away from cussing out a bartender for serving a minor, now give me your keys and get in the car."

I smiled and shook my head as I handed her my keys, I knew somewhere she was going to mention my age, but there was one thing I couldn't argue with. I had found someone I could trust, and that I wanted to be honest with, I was just worried I would eventually get burned.

Sunday was the day Alice was laid to rest, and I knew for sure she was now in heaven as a beautiful angel. Once her family knew who I was they all just kept thanking me on how wonderful my family had been to Alice.

I stayed strong throughout the service, every once in a while I would catch Emily glancing at me. A few times she even placed her hand on mine trying to comfort me.

We didnt speak any on the way home, I didn't want to talk about Alice because I knew I would break. I had already broke in front of her once before and I didn't want to do it again.

Once we arrived home I changed and walked outside, sitting on the porch swing and stared out across the lake.

Emily didn't come out immediately, she left me to my thoughts, for how long I'm not sure. Then the door opened and she came and joined me on the swing.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head, "not really, if I do I'll cry and I hate crying."

I heard her sigh before she ran her fingers through her hair, "letting your emotions out RJ is a way of coping. Holding your feelings and emotions in are not healthy."

I was growing agitated now, I knew she was trying to help, but I was really getting tired of her Dr. Phil shit. "look Emily I respect you, and I appreciate everything you have done for me, but right now just leave me the hell alone."

I got up and made my way to my room, the shock on her face was imprinted in my brain. I felt bad for being rude, but sometimes I just needed space, and I had notice lately she wasn't giving me much of that.

I mean she has to realize before her I was basically living alone, and had parents who didn't give a shit about me. Then I get shoved into a home that every time I turn around she's in my face. When I'm at school she's texting, or checking on me every time I seem upset.

I just wanted to scream or punch something, I was mad and I was hurt. Not only because of Alice dying, but now I felt bad because I had upset Emily. She had been nothing but good to me.

I placed my face in my hands and lost it, I covered my mouth trying not to make any noise.

My back was facing the door, and had no clue she had came in, until I felt her arms wrap around my waist and she pulled me back into her. "I'm sorry," I kept repeating as I tried to regain my composure.

She turned my body around to face her, "you have nothing to be sorry for, I know your hurting RJ and I know you didn't mean it."

I began to cry harder as she pulled me into her, my face nuzzled into her neck. I hadn't slept much since finding out Alice had passed away, and now breaking down I felt completely exhausted. My cries grew softer as my eyes grew heavier.

Emily continued to hold me, running her hand threw my hair and down my back, eventually I drifted off in her arms.

I sat up, my body drenched in sweat, tears running down my face. I checked the time it was 130 in the morning, then my door swung open.

"RJ what's wrong?"

Im not gonna lie I checked her out, she was in a pair of cute short shorts, and had a black tank top on. Her messy pony tail hung down loosely, and she still looked like she was asleep.

I quickly wiped my face, "just a bad dream, I'm okay. I'm sorry if I woke you up, just go back to bed."

She walked over to me sitting at the edge of the of the bed, "are you sure?"

I looked up at her, at that moment I just wanted to feel her arms around me again. When she holds me I feel safe, and I don't dream.

The way she was looking at me, I wanted to kiss her so bad. I wanted to pull her to me, and feel her lips against mine. Instead I just nodded my head, when she stood her eyes stayed locked with mine, before she turned and walked out of the room.

I laid back on my pillow groaning to myself. I knew I was attracted to Emily, before I could ignore what I was thinking or feeling. Now it was just getting harder to ignore the voices inside my head.

There was one thing I knew though, I could never cross that line. It wasn't even for the fact that she was my teacher that kept me from doing it. It was because I was so fucked up, that she didn't deserve to have to deal with all my bullshit, and I told myself I would never put her in that position.