For The Love Of The Game

Chapter 17

I had to stay in the hospital over night, Emily kept trying to talk to me, but I just ignored her.

The next morning I just made my way to my room, when I laid on my bed I put my back to the door and stared out the window.

I was mad, I was mad at myself, I was mad at the asshole who done it, I was mad at everybody. Still I put most of the blame on myself, I didn't pay attention to the signs.

Emily knocked on the door, which I didn't answer. She pushed the door open anyway and sat on the edge of my bed, "RJ why are you ignoring me?"

I pulled the pillow closer to my chest, praying she couldn't tell I was crying. Her hand landed on my shoulder and I jumped, "don't, just please don't Emily. Don't you see it I'm not good, this is why bad things happen to me. I don't deserve anything good, I don't deserve you being kind to me even though I treat you like shit.

This is how I use to be, alone, and that's the way it should be. Anything good that possibly comes my way gets fucked up. My own stupidity killed a child, yes it might have been a child out of hate, but I would have never intentionally hurt the child.

Look what I did to Eric, or your ex, this is my punishment because it's what I deserve, now I see why my parents were that way. I deserved everything they did to me."

I hadn't realized I was screaming and crying at the same time, but it didn't matter how many times I tried to push her away, Emily's arms finally wrapped around my waist pulling me into her.

I fought against her trying to push away, "damnit RJ enough, you have brainwashed yourself into thinking you are bad. You are not bad RJ, you are kind and will do things for people no one else will.

My parents loved you, and I am so so sorry about the baby, I know you would never do anything like that on purpose.

Now you have had a shitty year, but I am so sick of hearing how you don't deserve to be treated right. There is going to be someone out there who is going to love you, and you will do the same.

My job until then is to show you how you should be treated, and be your friend RJ and that's what I'm going to do."

I stopped fighting immediately when she yelled back, by the time she was done, I was snuggled into her neck with my arms around her waist. "I killed a baby Emily."

Her arms tightened around me, "you didn't mean to RJ, you didn't know, hell I didn't even consider it either. You need to rest, we can talk more about this later if you want to."

I didn't argue I was exhausted, I stood up and Emily pulled the covers back. I crawled into the bed, once she pulled the covers over me I grabbed her hand. Her eyes locked with mine, "please stay."

Her eyes searched mine, before pulling the covers back and sliding in. I laid my head on her shoulder as she wrapped her arm around me and began playing with my hair.

"I'm tired Emily."

She wrapped her arm around me, "I know RJ but it will get better."

I tilted my head up placing my chin on her shoulder, I went to say something but closed my mouth. "Tell me please."

My eyes never left hers, "I'm just tired of fighting."

She cocked her head to the side, "fighting what?"

Before I could change my mind I closed the gap my lips landing softly on hers, our lips danced together in harmony. There was nothing sexual to the kiss, just slow and soft and my body felt like it had started a fire.

Her hands made it to the side of my face before she pulled back, "RJ your tired, and right now emotional."

I shook my head, "I know, but everytime I hurt, every time I'm upset, you are my reason Emily. You are my reason to want to be better, I want you to be proud of me, and damnit I'm so tired of telling myself reasons why it's not a good idea."

She smiled softly as she caressed my face, "I am proud of you, everything about you RJ. You know I'm attracted to you and I've imagined kissing you, but right now the timing it just isn't good for either of us."

I lowered my head feeling rejected, but she quickly pulled my chin up to make me look at her, then she leaned in and softly kissed my lips.

No words were needed, that was all the reassurance I wanted, as I laid my head on her shoulder and fell fast asleep.

I'm not sure how long I slept, but when I woke up I was snuggled into her side. She had her hand over my shoulder, and a book in her other hand. "How long have I been asleep?"

She placed her book across her chest, "almost four hours, are you hungry?"

I laid my head back down enjoying laying beside her, "a little but I don't want to move."

Her hand traced circles on my back, "well you need to eat, plus you need to take your medicine."

I groaned, "can I at least come down stairs?"

She nodded her head and I followed, I laid on the couch as she rummaged in the kitchen. I wanted to talk about earlier, but I also didn't want to push her.

"Can we talk?" She placed a plate of food in my lap and sat beside me.

"I know what you want to talk about RJ, but I don't have answers. My mind is so conflicted of wanting you, and telling myself all the reasons why I shouldn't."

I took a bite, "I know, mine is the same way, I kept telling myself over and over how this could be bad."

She looked at me, "this is why you shouldn't be seventeen RJ, most kids would be trying to anything to get what they want, but you reason everything. Maybe just a little to much sometimes."

I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know, it's just different with you. It has been from the beginning, Im scared of what I feel, but most of all I'm scared I'll do something stupid and lose my best friend. Nothing, and I mean nothing is worth doing that."

"How many relationships have you been in RJ?"

I took another bite, "actually I haven't been in a relationship."

Emily cocked her eyebrow at me, "okay then how many people have you slept with, or should I say people you knew."

I looked up at her as I felt the guilt rising, "I've slept with a few, and none that I knew personally, and none that I have contacted the next day."

Emily took her eyes off me, "and that right there just might have proven to me why your seventeen. Your young RJ, you don't want a relationship. What you see in me is just infactuation, it's the fun of the chase. Which only proves our point, that what happened earlier was a mistake, and can never happen again.

Boundaries need to be reset, no more staying with each other, no more kissing, just friends and that's all."

She stood quickly, "Emily it's not like that," but before I could say anything else she was up the stairs. I heard her bedroom door close, and I just laid back on the couch.

What the fuck just happened?  I was being honest on how I felt, and it got turned around as me being an immature teenager.

I closed my eyes as Dempsey jumped in my lap, she was right though. All we needed to be was friends, and if she wanted boundaries, then I would give her boundaries.