For The Love Of The Game

Chapter 16

I woke up the next morning way before Emily, but I wanted to keep my promise so I didn't move. She was laying on her stomach her dark hair falling over her face, and she looked peaceful sleeping.

Last night consisted of me holding her when she needed me to, it was still bothering me that she was scared of me.

I knew crossing the boundaries we had last night were not exceptable, but she needed to know she was safe. When I was around she would be safe, I could control what I felt, and last night all I wanted to do was kiss her.

My thoughts were every where and never noticed Emily was awake, "what are you thinking about?"

I looked over at her, her blue eyes meeting mine, "well I really have to pee."

She laughed turning her head into her pillow, "we'll go then why'd you wait."

I walked towards the bathroom, "I promised you I would be here when you woke up, I wasn't gonna break that promise."

I couldn't see her face, nor did I hear a response. I don't know what she was thinking at that moment, but with her silence it could have been anything.

I exited the bathroom to see her sitting at the mirror fixing her hair, "I'm sure Mom and Dad are full of questions, and I want to spend some time with them before we leave today."

I knew with that our conversation wasn't going to get finished then, but hopefully at some point today it would.

Saying goodbye to her parents was harder than expected. I had really enjoyed getting to know them, of course we would see them again soon.

They would be coming down for Christmas break, and this time it would be mine and Emily's turn to share a house.

The ride home was quiet, Emily was driving and I could tell she was battling something in her head. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Her eyes shifted to mine before looking back at the road, "not really."

I just nodded my head and looked out the window. A few minutes passed before she spoke again, "why are you so determined to prove to me that you won't hurt me, but yet when I tried to kiss you, you said it was a mistake?"

Okay so now obviously we are talking about it, "Emily you and I both know us kissing would be a mistake. I'm seventeen, your my teacher, and my guardian. Me wanting to prove to you that I won't hurt you, doesn't mean we are going to be together."

I watched as she tapped her finger on the steering wheel, "I know you are my student and all of the other things that you listed, and yes all three of those are good reasons for it to be a mistake. I also think there's more to it of why you think it would be."

I picked at my fingers, "I think you let your mom get into your head Emily. You haven't once acted like that at home, and don't tell me she didn't talk to you because she was in my ear all week."

At some point she had pulled over at a rest stop, and she was now turned in her seat looking at me. "Yes she was in my ear, and I'm not saying me trying to kiss you wasn't a mistake. I know it was, and I shouldn't have done it. I agree with what you said it can't happen again, but your going to tell me holding me all night is okay."

Maybe I wasn't ready to have this conversation, "no it wasn't okay for me to do that. It crossed boundaries that I nor you should cross, but I wasn't going to let you scream from nightmares, and I wasn't going to tell you no when you asked me to stay.

Emily I respect you more than anything, and I am thankful for you letting me share this week with your family, but we have to go back to just friends. Even if I was older and this was a different situation, I'm not good enough for you, and you deserve someone a hell of a lot better than me"

She went to speak but I cut her off, "please just drop it, I don't want to hear how much of an amazing person I am, or how I don't see me like other people. I see me the way I should be seen, now can we please just drive."

I knew I had upset her, more so what I said about myself I'm sure, but it was all true. Emily Connors deserved someone who wouldn't fuck up, and I always fuck things up.

I was happy to see home, and Dempsey was happy to have people back in his house. I unloaded the truck, and brought all the bags in the house.

We we're both exhausted so we just settled on pizza for dinner. School would start again Monday, which meant game three would be Friday. I needed to get my mind back on the field, and do whatever it took to get Emily off my mind.

Thankfully Friday came quickly, the past week had been hell. I had been sick most of the week, and my mood swings we're about to kill everyone.

Emily had even put some distance because every time she tried to talk to me I would snap her head off. I felt bad, so I made an appointment with my therapist next week, maybe my medication needed to be adjusted.

The game had started, and we already scored a few points, as well as the other team. By the time the second quarter started, I wasn't feeling good at all but was not going to say a word.

The coach called the play, I scanned the defense before hiking the ball. It was a designed run for me, so I faked a pass, before spinning away from a would be tackle.

I started up field, and a sharp pain ran through my stomach, everything else happened so fast.

I dropped to my knees, but a defender was already diving towards me, I had lost the ball when I grabbed for my stomach.  The defenders hit me helmet to helmet, slamming me back onto the field.

I could feel people all over me, I screamed out in pain once again. The refs struggled to get the players off of me who were fighting for the ball.

I could hear people trying to talk to me, but between screaming and in and out of consciousness, I wasn't sure who was there, until I heard her voice.

"RJ you have to try to calm down, and tell us where your hurting."

Even though I couldn't feel her hands through my pads I knew they were on me, I was curled up in the fetal position. Someone had managed to unhook my helmet, and Emily slid it off.

"I think my appendix just busted.". I grabbed again as another pain radiated through my body, and at that point I couldn't handle anymore. I could feel myself pulling more towards sleep even though I could hear Emily calling my name. Eventually I heard nothing and everything went black.

I woke up to bright lights and beeping machines once again, "seriously, what the hell happened?"

I looked over at Emily who was once again sitting beside me. She reached over and pushed the call light shortly after a Dr and nurse walked in.

"Miss Johnson how are you feeling, any pain?"

I was still trying to remember everything that happened, "my head and stomach hurts some, what happened?"

The doctor cleared his throat, as the nurse checked my vital signs, "well you took a nasty hit so, the headache is from that. I'm also sorry to inform you Miss Johnson you also have had a miscarriage."

My mouth hung open, what the hell, I was pregnant. Time was running through my mind, holy shit I never had a period, I was so caught up in everything I never even noticed. "You were only a few weeks along, I've done an ultrasound and everything passed cleanly, so I will not need to do a DNC, but rest is highly recommended, and also no more football this year."

I listening but was I hearing right, I looked over at Emily, who's eyes were locked with mine. I still couldn't speak, my mind raced. I killed a child, I wasn't paying attention and I killed a child.