Dear Diary

Day 21

A joy you experienced this week

Dear Diary,
                       It's funny really, the word joy doesn't make me ponder anymore.

It's so simple, joy.
No complications.
Just plain old joy

This past weekend me, Brandon, Rachel and Jason went on a couples' camping trip.

We brought all the supplies: tents, marshmallows, beers etc.

I was so freaking excited for something after so long that even my mom asked why I was so happy.
And the best part, her question didn't make me cringe.

Brandon picked me up on Friday and we drove to our camping site, Jason and Rachel were already there.

We lit a fire, roasted marshmallows and drank our beers.

I laughed, I laughed so much.
It felt so good that I felt like a whole new person.

All of us even slow danced and exchanged partners.

Out of all the people present there, Jason was the one to point my happiness out to me, while we slow danced

"You know, Veronica, I've seen you truly happy after a very long time" he said and I grinned from ear to ear.

"Thank you, J. I am happy" I replied

"And I'm happy that you're happy. It's good to have you back" he hugged me like a true brother and I hugged him back.

Me, Jason, Brandon, Travis and Rachel were very close.

Travis's death just broke us all and we fell apart.

It's good to have all these people back with me.

At about 2 am, Rachel and Jason went to sleep in their tent.
Me and Brandon tried, but sleep seemed very distant that night.

So we went outside and lay down to watch the stars.

The whole sky seemed like God had sprinkled a bit of extra stardust that night.

It seemed like a beautiful dream.

Nothing in my life has changed, but I have.
Surprisingly, that is all the change I have ever needed.

Despite all the perpetual chaos, life seems so good these days.

"I'm sure they're up there" he whispered

"Who?" I asked

"Your dad and Travis" he replied and I smiled.

"Yeah, maybe. But we don't need to talk about that tonight" I squeezed his hand

"I'm sure my sister is up there too" he said and I quickly sat up on my elbow.

"Your sister? Which sister? Why do I not know about this?" I asked.
As far as I knew, Brandon only has a younger brother.

"She died when we were kids. It's no big deal, that's why I never told you" he shrugged like it was nothing but it was obvious that it mattered

"With me, you never have to think before telling me something. Okay?" I said and he nodded

"I'm sorry about her, I'm sure she was lovely and that she loved you very much"

Me and Brandon faced each other and said not one word.

His eyes were red rimmed, his nose was red too. His hair was tousled and yet I found him so incredibly beautiful.

I kissed him and my heart beat like crazy, again, just like every time.

His thumb was caressing my cheek and I felt so many emotions stir up in me that it was impossible to differentiate one from the other.

All I knew was that there was joy in every one of them.
And there was something else.

"Brandon, do you remember what you told me when we first kissed?"

"Of course. I told you that I love you" his hand on my waist pulled me close, so that we were less than inches apart.

"Do you remember what I said afterwards?" I asked again and he nodded

I closed my eyes and leaned forward to kiss him.

Before our lips met, I told him what I've been wanting to say and what he's been wanting to hear for so long.
"I love you" I smiled.

He laughed so hard, that it was impossible for me to not reciprocate his feelings.

Then he kissed me harder than he ever has.

"Thank you for making this trip the best I've ever had, Ron. I love you"

To be honest, sleep seemed not distant, but impossible that night.

Of all the things one could lose in this world, losing hope is the worst.

I had lost it, it's still missing, but I've found something better, I've found faith.

People often question, how can a guy/girl just come into a person's life and make them instantly happy.
I realize, it's not the guy or girl, it's the feeling of love that transforms you.

And Brandon's love has made me more than happy, it has transformed me.

There's so much I feel for him that even my words fail me, and I don't know what triggers that.

Maybe it's because I smile without a reason with him.
Maybe because his laugh sounds like a melody.
Maybe because he looks better than a model.
Maybe because his actions make me melt.
Maybe because he smells like everything good in this world.
Maybe because he's not perfect, but he's pretty freaking close.
Maybe it's all of these things.

All I know for certain, is that I'm helplessly and totally in love with Brandon Woods, and I don't care about the consequences.

I'm in love, and it's overwhelmingly beautiful.

It's joyous.