Dear Diary

Day 28

What you wish people knew about you

Dear Diary,
                         People.

They're shit.
They talk and talk.
They don't care if you're breaking inside, they just have to talk.

I wish people knew that it hurts.
It hurts when they whisper behind my back, and it doesn't matter what the topic is.

I wish people knew that when they gave me the looks of fake sympathy after Travis passed away, all I wanted to do is rip that expression of their face, because they didn't mean it all.

Sometimes, when I'm at my lowest, all I want to do is scream at people.
Tell them that I'm aware that they know of my sadness.

I wish people knew that I know that it's all fake, the smiles, the sympathy, the love, it's all fake.

I wish people knew that sometimes their silence hurts me more than their words.
I'd rather have them whisper at me than go quiet all of a sudden and stare at me.

The silence is deafening to my ears, it screams louder than any scream.

I wish people knew that Brandon and my relationship is ours only and they don't have a say in it.

I've heard people say that I moved on too quickly, that Travis didn't mean enough to me and my breakdowns were just for attention.

I wish people knew that this hurts, this shatters all that I've been building.

Of course, Brandon has been great throughout all of this and has tried his best to protect me but word travels fast around Oakwood High.

I wish people knew that yes, I love Brandon, I love him with all that I have in me, and it's none of their damn business if the height of our PDA is a kiss on the forehead before going to class.

I wish people knew that I notice every little detail, and all of it cracks me.

All these things apart, one thing I really truly wish people knew is that I'm learning how to not give any fucks.

I can't let people's words shatter me, I can't let their words determine the love and intimacy of my relationship with Brandon.

These people can keep their filthy tongues to themselves because if not today, then very soon, I'm going to learn how to actually never care about their opinions.

I'm going to soon learn how to not break.
Soon.

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Hello!
Only 3 chapters left 😢

Also, If I don't update later this week then I'll probably not update till next Friday due to stupid school.
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