Fading In The Rain | Bughead

1: "I Feel Lost, And I Like It"

Hey guys! Welcome back if you are familiar with my works and welcome if you're not. Quick shoutout to shallowghost , who wrote Slowly Giving Up. I love that story and it inspired me to write this. BTW, this is Bughead, so don't get all pissy, Barchie, Beronica, Chetty, Jarchie, Vughead, Chughead, Tughead, and any other ships that include Betty/Jughead with other people. (Song credit is "Alone" by Lund). So with anything else, enjoy Fading In The Rain !

TW: self harm, suicidal thoughts, hypersomnia

As I slowly open my eyes, I hear the rain tapping against my windows. I don't mind it, though. It's soothing. I lift my heavy head to see it's 5:04 PM. I need something to do, though I'd much rather sleep for the rest of my life, or better yet, not have one. I eventually rise from my bed and put on my shoes and coat. I'm going for a walk, seeing as I can no longer stand in this house all day. I open the front door after making my way downstairs.

After stepping out of my house and venturing off my driveway, I begin walking on the concrete of my street. Passing Archie's house, my pace begins to quicken and I find my self speed-walking. I sense the scent of dew on the leaves and bark of the trees lining the sidewalk, and it calms me. Ever since I was I kid, I was told to stay out of rain. That it would make me sick or wet. But I never understood why people said that. Rain isn't a bad thing.

It's nurturing. Like it tends to my senses and never fails to perform. Rain is one of my favorite things about Riverdale, or anywhere for that matter. I would let it drown me in an instant. I would let it wash me of the feelings I hold and thoughts I have. As I look at the sky, raindrops meet my face and drip down. Our town is mostly foggy and rainy. I was never a big fan of the fog in general, but when it was mixed with rain, it held beauty that made me gasp.

The only reason I wore my coat is because I had a thin white shirt on. When white gets wet, it becomes transparent. If I had worn any color besides white, I would've gone out coat-free. The truth is, I like the feel of the rain on my skin. The way the drops cling as they drip, like a commitment. I came back from my thoughts to find myself still on the same old sidewalk of my street. It was boring, seeing the same sights over and over again.

I began to speed-walk faster, which developed to running. I ran off the sidewalk, down towards Sweetwater River. I didn't care how dumb I looked or what people thought as I ran like a maniac. I needed to get out. Out of my head, out of this cycle, out of this street. I ran faster as tears of mine mixed with the rain. I heard the wind pass me as I raced. I looked at my surroundings, which had morphed from suburbia to isolation.

I saw no one. Heard no cars. Just my breathing and the wind. The rain pouring down, as this weather was far from sprinkling. I wasn't pleased with my destination being Sweetwater River. I don't know why, but it wasn't enough. I didn't feel far enough, I didn't feel quite as alone yet. So what did I do? I ran once more. Away from the snowy shore of Sweetwater River, away from the location of a frenemy's suicide attempt.

I ran as far as my legs would take me. Until they gave out in the center of Evergreen's Forest. I collapsed and didn't feel the need to pick myself back up. So there I lay on the ground. The rain seems to fall slower and attack me. I sat up and brought my knees to my chest, still sitting on the ground. I feel alone now. I feel far enough. I feel free. I feel lost, and I like it. I feel like here, I don't need to be anything. I don't have to try. I don't have to breathe. I don't need to be alive.

I could cry here. I could scream and be in a force field. I could just lay down and close my eyes, never bothering to open them once more. I could be crazy. Freak out or have an anxiety attack, but no one would know, and no one would stop it. I could even take my life here. Free of interruptions or disturbances. My eye lids became heavy as I laid back down and felt raindrops beginning to soak my clothes. I closed my eyes, and I was truly lost. Gone.